The Odyssey

Slimmer and Trimmer

2011-08-29T10:42:00.002-05:00

Two weeks ago, I weighed myself and I clocked in at 147.8. I know that's not huge in our society but for me it's too much. It's the most I've ever weighed (except when pregnant) and it's not cute. So, I decided to start doing something about it.

I began exercising more regularly. The fact that I was going every now and then was doing nothing but wasting my time. I also increased my water intake and cut out some sweets.

On Monday, August 22nd, I weighed 145.2.

Today, I weigh 144.2.

I'm loving the downward trend and must keep this up. My goal is between 130-135 and a trimmer waistline. My workout partner and I will be meeting twice a week. I will work out alone twice a week and rest Friday - Sunday unless we're doing something fun as a family.

By the end of the year (but hopefully sooner), I will be at my goal weight with a much flatter belly.

Can't stop...

Won't stop...

I'm Back!!!

2011-08-15T14:01:00.004-05:00

Today was Danae's first day of school outside our home. She was excited! Dwayne and I were a little anxious. We were sending our daughter out to be cared for, and protected by, other people. But, we are confident that God will protect her and we know we chose a good school for her. She looked too cute in her uniform!

She was the 2nd kid to arrive in her class and I could tell she was a little nervous. I'm sure by the time her friends arrived she was just fine though. Brayden was so excited until we were getting ready to leave. He didn't want to leave his big sister there. Dani didn't care but was sad to leave the playground.

Home school started today as well. I love teaching my kids and Brayden is a dream. He catches on really fast and did well today. He enjoyed the science and math lessons but got bored with the reading and writing. portions. Danica worked on the letter A, her colors, and cutting. She loved the cutting! Oh, and she also enjoyed using the magnifying glass.

I am so extremely sleepy since I woke up at 5 am. Tomorrow I won't have to wake quite as early but this school thing is seriously messing up my morning slumber.

It's bittersweet watching my babies grow up. I'm happy they're smart and energetic and all that. But, I know that this is just the beginning of my journey of letting go. Before I know it, she'll be in high school and driving and then off to college. How have moms done this all these years?!?

Kid Stuff

2009-09-03T11:08:00.003-05:00

Dwayne bought the game Punch Out for our Wii. One of the characters is named Piston Honda. Danae said his name sounds like when daddy says "Brayden just pissed on himself". Get it? Piston = Pissed on. It was one of those funny moments that you can't necessarily laugh about in front on them. Can't encourage that behavior.

Anyway, school is back in session and that holds true for school at our house. Brayden's handwriting is greatly improving. Danae is spelling new words every day and is finally getting the concept of phonics. She had the hardest time understanding how to sound out words. She would simply memorize how they looked and were spelled. Obviously, we still have hard words and lazy days but it's getting better. They're both doing well with addition too. I'm so proud of my kids. Can you tell?

Danica is doing what she's supposed to I guess. She sits up, rolls around, and babbles constantly. The older two love seeing her progress and get excited every time she utters a new sound. It's rather cute watching them with her, until they get too rough of course.

Okay, gotta go. They just finished their handwriting assignment. Just wanted to post something since I said I'm back now.

I'm back

2009-08-31T11:12:00.004-05:00

I know it's been a very long time since I've written on this here blog. I've had a million things to write about but just haven't had the time or energy to collect my thoughts and post something. Now, my life is settled again so I'm back.

The summer has been great. We've traveled quite a bit. We've spent time with family and friends. We've done some other cool things in our fair city.

Now, school is back in session. Homeschool, that is. The kids are growing and enjoying life. I'm going to try to post something daily but we'll see how that goes.

Until later,

My take on MJ...

2009-07-06T07:39:00.003-05:00

Since I was a child, I have always been fascinated by people's worship and admiration for Michael Jackson. Back in the 1980's, he used to rent out the Civic Center in Pensacola to practice and prepare for his upcoming tours. People would camp out nearby just to get a Michael Jackson sighting. Just to see his limo going by. Just for him to wave at them. All this, for a man who wouldn't even do a concert in Pensacola because we didn't have a large enough venue for him. Anywhere he went across the world, hordes of people would faint or become hysterical just because of his presence. Now, don't get me wrong. I had his pictures hanging on the walls in my room. I owned the red leather jacket with 5000 zippers everywhere. I had the white socks and penny loafers too. Shoot, I even had a MJ purse with his picture on the side. (I could probably make a pretty penny if I still had them.)

He was, and still is, a god to a lot of people. The true American idol. Even in the more recent years when he was but a caricature of his former self and hadn't put out new music, people still would sit in awe of him.

Yes, he was a talented man. Yes, he seemed to be a philanthropist. Yes, he had a troubled life. But, he was still a man. A man who was destined to crumble under the pressure that comes with knowing that millions of people expect greatness. A man who searched for perfection so much that he marred his previously beautiful face.

So, what's the point of this rant? Glad you asked. Seeing the world's fascination with his life and now his death and seeing the reports of the server crashing because of people trying to get tickets to his funeral makes me contemplative. What if we were as interested in seeing Jesus? What if we loved Him so much that we knew all of His word like we know MJ's songs? What if we took such an interest in His death and resurrection that we wanted to make sure everyone knew when it happened and what it means for us today? Writing this made me think about the hymn that says "Turn your eyes upon Jesus...so the things of this world will grow faintly dim." Satan uses any and every thing to turn us away from what should be our true focus. While we mourn the death of the greatest entertainer, while we learn lessons from his life, while we grieve for his family and kids, let even this bring us closer to Jesus and more ready for life eternal.

I'm busy y'all...

2009-06-25T10:22:00.003-05:00

I've been meaning to post something lately but just don't have the time. Let's see what I've been up to, if I can even remember. I have a horrible memory lately.

Our 12 year old niece is here for a large part of the summer. That is...interesting. And it confirms my decision to not have more children. I am not ready for my children to hit that adolescence stage. My kids and their cousin have been arguing, fussing, fighting like crazy. Then they have a few moments of kindness and get along. Talk about annoying. Still, we're glad she's here and hope she has a good time out here.

Jaelyn had a successful heart surgery. We are so extremely happy about that. We have been praying and asking so many other people to pray for her. God is good!

Our other niece was born on Monday. Can't wait to see little Denise.

I totally missed my friend Red's birthday. I reminded myself until the day of and then forgot to call her. Sorry girl! I still love you!

I'm basically a single mom during the week right now because Dwayne has a huge audit coming up at work. As soon as I can, I'm taking a me day and enjoying it to the fullest.

Danae is now taking ballet, tap, and gymnastics class. So cute! I'll have to upload pictures when I get a minute. Brayden is in gymnastics class and he absolutely loves it.

Oh, and I'm almost 32. Where has the time gone?

Baby Body

2009-06-02T11:10:00.002-05:00

I don't embarrass easily nor am I very self-conscious. But, I am really bothered by my body since Danica has been born...specifically, my stomach area. I know that I have birthed 3 babies. Because I didn't spread or gain weight anywhere else, my stomach was stretched to its limit. But, now, post baby it is NOT CUTE. I look like I'm still 5 months pregnant!

So, I have been working on it for a few weeks now. I know it hasn't been long at all but I am seeing no results yet. I'm still working though. I was hoping to comfortable enough for a bathing suit this summer but that may have to wait a year. Ugh!

I still can't wear quite a bit of my pre-pregnancy clothes. But I refuse to buy more. Why? Because I WILL get back into them. I have been fortunate most of my life to not really have to worry much about weight gain. So, this is bothering me big time.

I will track my progress and if I ever get a post-baby body where people don't say "you look good to have 3 kids" but instead just say "you look good" I will be so very happy.

With a daughter like mine, you have to have a very good self-esteem. She has asked me a few times if I'm pregnant with a baby brother. She's laughed at my stomach. I can't wait until she's in the same predicament in 20+ years because payback is a mutha.

Being Busy

2009-06-01T07:31:00.002-05:00

I know I have been having big breaks in between posts lately. I just can't seem to find time to get to this thing, although I have so much to write about. Before Danica, I would wake up earlier than the children to have a little quiet time, have my morning devotion, write in this blog, and take care of things around the house. After Danica, I just tried to sleep as long as possible. However, that affected my efficiency around here, and my sanity, since I had no 'me' time. .

So, today I have gone back to the way things were. I woke up early, ate breakfast, studied my sabbath school lesson, and am now writing this post.

I had a nice weekend. Church was good, we had company for lunch, and then watched a movie (well Dwayne watched the movie while I slept on his shoulder). Yesterday, we went to a park for a child's birthday party and then came home and worked in our garden. We were supposed to go to a graduation party Saturday night but didn't make it back out of the house.

The garden is doing wonderfully well. We now have tomatoes, bell peppers, eggplant, carrots, collard greens, spinach, strawberries, thyme, basil, oregano, cilantro, scallions, and lavender growing out there. I may have left something out. It's rather nice not having to buy those things. The tomatoes, eggplants, and bell peppers are growing like crazy. Our neighbors have been helping us eat the tomatoes and peppers. Some of the neighborhood kids like to come to look at our garden. It's crazy because the garden itself is quite small but producing a lot. Can't tell you how the strawberries taste because every time one grows the squirrels come and eat it. We covered the plants with a mesh/net covering to keep them away. We'll see how that works out.

The kids are great. Danae is on a spelling kick and wants to know how every word imaginable is spelled. Makes for a lengthy conversation sometimes because if I use a word she finds interesting she will stop mid-conversation to ask how it's spelled. Brayden is writing now and doing very well. There are a couple of letters he can't quite get but I'm proud of him anyway. He's doing quite well for a 2 year old. Danica busies herself blowing bubbles and cooing and screaming at her annoying older siblings. Life is good.

Later.

CBS is not smart!

2009-05-20T14:25:00.001-05:00

That title is only because I can't say stupid...because it's a bad word.

Anyway, I was all ready to post something new and exciting and then I read that CBS has cancelled The Unit. That is my show! It's the only show in the whole week that I absolutely HAD to watch. I'm actually angry about this. I love Jonas Blaine and the rest of the unit.

Stomping off...

Motherhood

2009-05-12T10:54:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I had something to do so the kids went to their old sitter's house for a few hours. We got home later than intended so I knew I would be rushing to prepare dinner, get them bathed, and settled for the night. Here's what really happened.

As soon as we entered the house, Brayden started running around saying "Mommy, I have to pee". So we rush into the bathroom and as soon as his pants are unbuttoned, he starts peeing on himself. I clean him up and decide they can play in the tub while I start preparing dinner. As soon as we get to the kitchen, Danica throws up all over me, herself, and the floor. So, I take her to our bathroom and bathe her. Before I can get her pj's buttoned up, Brayden starts screaming "I have to pee!" Because he just went all over the bathroom floor, I'm a little perplexed. I run to their bathroom anyway only to find out he didn't have to pee, he had to poop and had already dropped two bombs in the bathtub where his sister and a ton of toys are. So, I grab him and put his wet butt on the toilet (because he wasn't finished). Danae is already out of the tub and I'm cleaning the tub, putting all the toys in a bucket to be cleaned (more likely thrown out). Meanwhile, Danica is on my bed waiting to be completely dressed but being really patient and quiet. I clean the tub, bathe Danae first, then bathe Brayden. They're dressed and ready for bed. I take them to the kitchen and find leftovers in the fridge to feed them. They're happy. I get Danica dressed and in the swing. I still have to clean the bathroom and kitchen floors, wash pissy clothes, and whatever else that needs to be done.

Where is Dwayne? At a charity golf tournament enjoying himself.

Unnecessary Comment

2009-04-28T13:34:00.002-05:00

If you know me, you know I am not easily offended. But this comment...it kinda got to me a little bit. Luckily, it happened over the phone.

Other Person: Your baby is so pretty.
Me: Thank you.
Other Person: She really is beautiful. The other two just weren't as pretty as she is.
Me: (Long silence) I can't believe you just said that.

I won't bore you with the details of the rest of the conversation. But, is it just me, or was the last part of that statement just really not necessary. I would've had absolutely no problem with just the first part but don't compare my kids and, in essence, put down my other two. Thank you if you think my baby is pretty. I do too. Now, let's just leave it at that.

Ugh...

My next post will be much happier and filled with pictures and commentary on my wonderful, although way too short, trip to Florida.

Pray for us

2009-04-23T08:52:00.002-05:00

We're leaving today to go on a road trip to Tallahassee. We're going for our godson's baby dedication and to actually meet him for the first time. As a bonus, we get to meet our newest niece too.

Because we waited too long to buy airline tickets, we're driving...with our 3 kids. That's why I need you all to pray for us.

Follow up on my daddy

2009-04-22T17:05:00.002-05:00

Yes, I have told him how I feel. Obviously, nothing has changed. He doesn't think it's that bad really. Of course he has been this way his whole life so I don't expect anything to change. It's just extremely frustrating at times. When my mother died, I thought it was so unfair that she was the one to die. This doesn't mean I wanted my dad to die instead. But, she was the one who was very involved in my life. When she left, I was very lost.

By the way, when I write a post I don't check it. I like to write things just the way they pop up in my head. So please forgive me for any typos or grammatical errors you may see. Oh, and those pesky posts where I'm all over the place with my randomness. That's just a reflection of my brain at that time.

Danica and My Dad

2009-04-21T09:02:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, Danica had to go to the doctor for her shots. She now weighs 11 lbs, 5 oz and is 22 inches long. We won't discuss her head measurements because my children are always ahead of their peers on that one. The best thing about her right now is that she is sleeping for 6 hours straight at night, waking up to eat, and going right back down for 3-4 hours. Is that great or what?

Now, on to the real post.

I'm a little mad/disappointed with my dad. He has made no plans to come see his newest granddaughter and doesn't seem in much of a hurry. Why? Softball. You see, my dad is a sports junkie. Always has been and I guess he always will. Nothing comes before sports for him. Because of this, he's been inducted in the black softball hall of fame and the black high schoolers hall of fame. Those names may not be totally accurate but it's something like that.

Even when I was growing up, it was understood that sports was first. I'm not talking about watching it (unless it's the playoffs/championship game). He likes to play sports. He's now 68 and still plays softball on a team. So, if he had to choose between coming to my christmas play and playing basketball, basketball won. Taking me to the park vs. playing baseball. I better hope there's a slide and some swings at the baseball field. Church vs the game. Well, you see where I'm going with this.

When Danae was born, he was here the day we got home from the hospital. He was excited because it was his 1st grandchild and it was between softball seasons.

I am so tired of sports being his first love. I can't imagine being married to him. As you can imagine, there aren't a ton of old men's softball teams so he travels almost every weekend to play.

I realize he's not about to change any time soon but today this little situation is really bothering me. He's my only parent and he's getting older. And, I'm still playing second fiddle to his love of sports.

Friends - How many of us have them?

2009-04-20T13:48:00.002-05:00

Do y'all remember that song?

I was talking to Brayden's friend last week about friends. I thought Brayden's friend was actually mine but it seem he has claimed her for himself.

Anyway, I've been told by someone else that I'm too liberal with that 'friend' title. I don't know if I'm too liberal or that I'm guilted into calling people my friend. (Is guilted even a word? Hopefully, you know what I mean by that.) Here's the thing. There are some folks who introduce me as their friend when in my mind we're simply associates or people with common interests such as church or kids of the same age. Or, our husbands are friends which means we have to hang out sometimes.

If I really think about it, I have a short friend list. I'm very cool with this, by the way. There aren't a whole lot of people that I willingly let in and share my thoughts with. If you're reading this because I sent the link to you, I probably think of you as a friend. You will notice some people you may know are conspicuously absent. And, there are a few, who refuse to comment but rather send an email in response to my posts. It's because they're crazy. Because they're my friends I can say that.

Yes, I realize I keep going off on mini tangents.

So, the point is that I have been blessed to meet some lovely ladies and upstanding gentleman who I truly care about and consider a blessing in my life. People that I would keep in touch with (even if only by email) even if we didn't go to the same church or have kids of the same age. Don't feel bad if I don't call you; I barely call my own daddy and I love him for sure. I would ride or die for my friends. I would eat beans and rice or pb&j sandwiches if my friends needed financial help. We prosper together; we struggle together.

Now, what about you? Do you have a lot of friends? Are you liberal with that title or do you reserve it for those you really care about?

Oh yeah, I don't have a BFF although I have a friend from home who refers to me as her BFF. Um, we ain't got nothing in common besides our childhood. We are like night and day right now. She's still my girl but BFF is taking it a little too far. Every time I type BFF, I feel like I'm a kid again.

Alright, I'm out now.

I'm a bit scatterbrained in this post...

2009-04-07T11:40:00.004-05:00

15 years ago, today, my mom died. I almost never remember on this actual day so I thought I would blog about it. Sometimes, it seems like it was last month. Sometimes, it seems like it was 30 years ago.

Dwayne's cousin had a baby girl on February 18th. That's the same day Danica was born. They were both born with a heart murmur and at almost the same time. And, our baby is Danica Aliyah. Her baby's first name is Aliyah. Isn't that cool? None of this was discussed before the births.

I just found out my husband had absolutely no plans to get a vasectomy. We had discussed it before and he said he was going to do it. Because he didn't seem to be in a rush, I went ahead and scheduled my procedure. The other day, during a conversation, he told me he was never going to get fixed anyway. Sucka!

I have some really good friends who don't live in Houston. I miss them!

Danica smiles a lot now. I love it! She gives the best smiles to Danae though. She's scared of Brayden. If he gets too close, she will cry or turn her head away. I don't blame her one bit. He's dangerous! He has already hit her twice trying to play with her.

Please continue to pray for my niece's health. The doctors confirmed that she has Down Syndrome. She also has two holes in her heart that will need to be surgically repaired when she's a little older.

Boredom

2009-04-01T16:11:00.001-05:00

I'm so tired of being in this house now. First, I tried to limit my wanderings because of the newborn. Now, I have to stay in a couple of days because of my procedure. I'm bored though. I think I'll be going to church this weekend. YAY!

Getting Fixed!

2009-03-31T14:06:00.002-05:00

So, today I'm recovering from getting fixed...also known as a tubal ligation. It's not so bad except I've created children who love to run up and hug me and well, that's not the best thing when your tummy is hurting.

Right before the anesthesiologist did his magic, my doctor asked if I was absolutely sure I wanted this. Of course I was and still am. It's so freeing for me to know that I never have to worry about getting pregnant again or using any contraceptive. Go us!

Brayden saw my hairline incision and asked if the doctor stabbed me. I have no idea how he knows what stabbing is but I told him no. Brayden then said he's going to spank the doctor for hurting me. Aw, my baby boy wants to defend his mommy. How sweet!

***

In other news, please pray for my niece, Jaelyn. She's sick and in Shands Hospital in Gainesville. Also pray for her mom and dad. This is their first child and they've been thrown a serious curve ball. But, "all things work together for good to them that love God". We were never promised that only good things work together but all things. We just have to trust God even when we can't trace him.

I'm an Auntie!

2009-03-26T12:19:00.001-05:00

I was all set to post something witty and informational. You know I'm just kidding.

But, now I just want you to know that I'm an auntie again. My brother-in-law and his wife just gave birth to a beautiful 6 lb 1 oz little girl named Jaelyn Antoinette. Aww! I can't wait to meet her.

Do You Hear That?

2009-03-22T12:22:00.003-05:00

It's called silence, and it is indeed golden. Dwayne, his father, and our oldest two children are gone so the kids can pick strawberries at the strawberry patch. Danica is sleeping peacefully in my bed. The only thing I hear is the sound of the washing machine. This is so very nice.

One of my favorite pair of sandals broke yesterday. As soon as I stepped into the garage, the strap popped. Looks like I need to go look for a replacement pair.

I've realized facebook has made me more of a recluse. I already rarely call people. It's gotten worse since I know I can look at people's status or message and get a general idea of how they're doing.

I'm reading two really good books. One is called "Home Sweet Home School" and the other is "His Robe is Mine". They both have messages I really need to hear right now.

That's all I have for now. Talk to you guys later.

Birthdays

2009-03-16T23:24:00.002-05:00

Today would have been my mother's 61st birthday...if she were still alive. Unfortunately, I know quite a few people who lost a parent early in life. Most of them feel sad on that parent's birthday or other holidays like Mother's Day or Father's Day. I don't.

There have been many times that I wished my mother were still alive. Some days have been harder than others. I really wish she could've met my husband and children. I wish she could've been there for my prom, graduation, debutante ball.

But today, instead of grieving over something that I have no control over, I spent the day at the zoo. I celebrated the 2nd birthday of a beautiful little boy named Boston. My children spent time with their friends learning about animals. The weather was perfect. And so was seeing the smiles on my children's faces.

There's really no point lamenting over what could have been when you can enjoy what's right in front of you.

What Do You Think?

2009-03-12T11:33:00.003-05:00

I have a friend who is married with children. They were trying to think of vacation ideas for spring break. She wanted to go somewhere tropical or at least a beach spot in the states. He said they couldn't afford it right now. Would be understandable except...

He went to the inauguration by himself and was gone for several days.
He went on a trip in February with the boys once again leaving his family behind.

So, he could afford to take two solo trips but can't afford to go on a vacation with his family. She even suggested that they just go for a weekend but he said they don't need to be spending money on frivolous things right now. They're now going to visit family for spring break.

I was annoyed for her because if we're broke then nobody should be going on trips. But, maybe that's just me.

What do you think?

Just Stuff

2009-03-11T14:47:00.003-05:00

So, Danica was crying and I couldn't get to her right away. By the time I did (maybe 5-10 minutes) she was very upset with me. Danae and Brayden tried to calm her but it didn't work. So, I picked her up and started singing "Jesus Loves Me" to her. It's something I have done with all of my children because it tends to calm them and keeps me calm as well. Brayden came to me and said "Stop Mommy." When I asked why, he said "that's my song so you can't sing that to her. You need to choose a different song."

I'm supposed to get serious about getting my body in shape. So, why did I just polish off half a box of Thin Mints. Girl scout cookies are the devil! I'm so glad they're not available all year long. I'm not going to mention the other junk I've eaten in the last couple of days. I really need to get on the ball, especially since my Trini friend and I say we're going to train for a 5k.

I Made It!

2009-03-10T12:02:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was my first day flying solo with all three children. It wasn't so bad. We still had school time although we adjusted the schedule a bit. By the time Dwayne came home though, I was very tired and so happy I didn't have to cook dinner. I have awesome friends!

All of the children are doing very well. The older two are a bit overwhelming with showering their sister with their love. But, at least they're not trying to hurt her or anything. We just have to make them give her a break sometimes. Danica is doing well at night. She wakes up to eat and goes back to sleep. I moved the rocking chair in my room so I can nurse her and put her back in her own bed. When I bring her to my bed, I end up falling asleep and she just stays in there with us. Even though I did the same thing with the other two, this time I want as much uninterrupted sleep as possible. With a newborn in the bed, the sleep just isn't as good.

Every time I have a child, I'm so amazed by the love I have for them. It's my only experience with love at first sight. And, it's so different than what Dwayne and I share. Please note I said different not better.

The only thing that can make my life better now is for her to sleep through the night. That would be great!

Okay, that's all I got for now. We're still not venturing out much although we will hit up the library tomorrow so maybe that will provide good material for this old blog.

I just stopped by to say

2009-03-05T10:28:00.002-06:00

I'm so ready for my aunt to go home. I know someone will think it's crazy of me but I am so serious. She leaves on Monday and I am literally doing a countdown. Maybe next week I'll be singing another tune.

Crazy Conversations

2009-02-26T14:34:00.002-06:00

Since I like to post crazy conversations with my kids, I thought I should let you know where they get it from. The apple really doesn't fall far from the tree. Both of these happened while I was in labor with Danica.

First Example:
I was in pain but hadn't dilated enough to do anything. I was moaning and complaining.
Dwayne: You should try to think of other things to help take your mind off the pain.
Me: Like what? This hurts.
Dwayne: Think about cleaning the house or laundry or something.
Me: Fool, I'm in pain. Do you really think I want to start thinking about household chores?
Dwayne: That's the first thing that came to mind.
Me: (All I could do was roll my eyes)
Dwayne: Okay, think about Boracay beach in the Philippines. Remember the powdery sand. Blah, blah, blah.
Me: That's better but you're still stupid.

Second Example:
At this time, my contractions were less than a minute apart. I had to stay on my right side because the baby's heart rate kept decelerating during each contraction. I was in so much pain and uncomfortable. Tears started rolling down my face.
Dwayne: You didn't cry with the other two. Are you getting softer as you age?
Me: Why don't you get in this bed and have some contractions so you'll know how I feel.
Dwayne: All I know is you didn't cry before.
Me: Are you calling me a punk. I ain't no punk.
Dwayne: (laughs uncontrollably while the nurse tells us we're her favorite couple in labor and delivery).

Love at First Sight

2009-02-23T16:26:00.004-06:00

I am absolutely in love with this little girl.

Danica was born with a heart murmur but we found out today it's no longer there. We are so happy with this little perfect being and can't wait to get to know her more.

Nothing to talk about

2009-02-12T07:20:00.002-06:00

I haven't blogged this week because I just don't have much to talk about. I have an appointment with my doctor today to see if I have progressed at all. Dwayne thinks the baby is coming tomorrow because Danae and Brayden were both born on Friday mornings. I guess we'll see.

Brayden told me the other day that I am the best teacher ever. Yes, I know he has nothing to compare me to but it was still nice to hear. I love watching my children learn and learning more about them. They are so alike yet so very different. They also learn very differently. For instance, Brayden is picking up on phonics so very easily. He is trying to sound out words when he sees them. Danae, on the other hand, hasn't picked up on phonics as easily. She has a superb memory though. So, she recognizes sight words easily but can't necessarily use phonics to distinguish between two words like cat and bat. This frustrated me at first but I've learned that I just have to adjust the way I teach her.

The bad thing is that my energy level is getting really low so we haven't been doing as much fun stuff as I would like. They don't seem to mind but I do.

I'm also thinking really hard about homeschooling Danae for kindergarten. Honestly, the main reason I want her to go to school is for the Kindergarten graduation. Yes, I know that's silly but the kids look so cute with their little caps and gowns. I've found that I have several friends who homeschool and they all speak so positively about it and their results. We'll see. I still have a year to decide. I ordered a catalog for a homeschooling curriculum that I'm going to use with my children and we'll just see how the next year goes.

I said I had nothing to talk about but I guess I did.

Question for the SDA Folks

2009-02-09T08:03:00.003-06:00

So, during my morning worship today, I was reading my Sabbath school lesson. It's about the prophetic gift for those who may now know. Anyway, it made me wonder something. Our church recognizes Ellen G White as a "modern-day" prophet. I put that in parenthesis simply because she's been dead for so long that it's hard for me to think of her as modern. Let me get back to the point. A lot of Adventists, particularly the younger folks, don't give as much credence to her writings as the older people. I wonder if it's because people don't read her books as much and are simply going by what they're heard. Or, is it that people don't think her writings are relevant?

I have read several of her books:
"The Great Controversy"
"The Acts of the Apostles"
"Patriarchs and Prophets"
"Last Day Events"
"Counsels on Stewardship"
"The Desire of Ages"
"The Story of Redemption"

and parts of the following books:
"Christ's Object Lessons"
"The Adventist Home"
"Child Guidance"

I am sure I've left a couple of books out of these lists. This is just what I could remember while typing this post.

And here are my thoughts on the matter:
The first time I worshipped in an Adventist church, I kept wondering "who is this Ellen White person and why do they keep quoting her". I immediately sort of dismissed her based solely on what I had heard. But then, I read "The Great Controversy" which is probably the longest book I've ever read in my life. The things I read in that book honestly made me want to do research to disprove what I had read. Instead, my research (which included no writings by Adventists) led to my subsequent conversion and baptism into the Seventh Day Adventist church. I believe that her books must be read in order to be fully appreciated. Often times, we hear the same quotes over and over and get tired of them. Or, we hear some of the quotes that may have been more applicable for the time period of her own life and discredit everything she may have written. In my opinion, her books have really good information in them, including good advice for dealing with your own children, as well as reminders of how to live a more holy life in such an unholy world.

So, the whole point of this post is to get your opinions. What do you all think, honestly, about Mrs White? Have you read any of her books in its entirety? If not, why not?

1-2 cm

2009-02-06T13:53:00.003-06:00

...is how far I've dilated. Not much, but it is a start. My doc doesn't think I'll make it to my next appointment which is in a week. I don't know about that. During my two previous pregnancies, I was dilated 1-2 cm for 2 weeks before the baby came. I'm not in a hurry anymore though because I believe she'll get here when she's supposed to. I can endure backaches and leg pains for a little longer if it's best for her.

Pregnancy

2009-02-05T08:20:00.003-06:00

One of the best things about being pregnant in the winter is that I don't feel pressured to shave my legs. I know that probably sounds crazy but it's kind of difficult to get to all the hairs down there. So, I can just wear pants and no one knows the difference. I love it!

The other good thing is that I'm not miserably hot like when I was pregnant with Brayden. My body temperature seriously escalates during pregnancy. It's so bad that I sometimes have to change clothes in the middle of the night because my nighties are soaked through with sweat. Just imagine how I was during the Houston summer. Because of this, I'm convinced that I'll have horrible hot flashes during menopause.

My baby is due in 12 days. I go to the doctor tomorrow and fully expect him to tell me I have dilated.

***

On another note, why did my friend just tell me that one of our high school classmates just died from a heart attack. I'm really tired of hearing about so many deaths. This is weird.

Here we go again

2009-02-03T10:07:00.001-06:00

I just found out that Gloria Musgray died last night. She was a member of the church we attended in Tallahassee. She fought a long battle with cancer but unfortunately succumbed to the disease. I pray that her family and friends find comfort during this time of grief.

I'm Feeling Sick

2009-02-03T07:27:00.002-06:00

I spent the bulk of the day yesterday comforting my daughter since she was the lucky recipient of her brother's germs. Guess who has a very sore throat today? Yep, that would be me. I knew I shouldn't have allowed her to lay on me so much yesterday.

Guess who is still a huge bundle of energy even though he's infecting everyone else? Yep, that would be Brayden.

I am having the hardest time explaining the concept of death to Danae. I would've left it alone by now but she keeps asking me questions and I don't want her to bring it up with Georgia's family again. She already asked her daughter why her mom wasn't at church last Sabbath.

15 Days To Go... Really about facebook friends

2009-02-02T13:30:00.004-06:00

Every post will probably have my countdown in it. I can't believe that in 15 days (or less) I will have my new baby girl in my arms. I'm so excited! Now off to the real post.

The good and bad thing about Facebook is that you can reconnect with past friends and associates. Let me tell you about a couple of them.

In middle school, I met one of my cousins. We attended the same school and were both in the drama club. One day, we had a competition and my mom thought this girl looked like her family. Then, she asked her name and found out her last name was the same as my grandfather's (mom's dad). Well, he was definitely a rolling stone and it turned out that the schoolmate (J) was my cousin. Her grandfather and my mom were siblings, or half-siblings. So, for a minute, J and I thought that was cool. Except she was a little crazy. She had a serious hangup when it came to complexion and hair texture. She was (and still is) a gorgeous girl with flawless chocolate skin. If anything, I should have been jealous of her. But, she had been told all her life that light is better and she took it out on me. What she didn't know then was that I also had a hangup and absolutely hated my complexion because I felt I looked too white. Ah, middle schoolers and their craziness! After middle school, her family ended up moving out of the city and we lost contact. No love was lost because really we only talked because of the family connection and otherwise wouldn't have even been friends. Last week, we became facebook 'friends' and I realized she is just as crazy as before. We really didn't have to reconnect. She has a gorgeous little girl who looks just like her except she's about my complexion with silky, wavy hair. J said 'you see I got me a little mixed girl like you.' Ugh!

Moving on...

I reconnected with another friend. We met in elementary school. We went to an all-black school. There was 1 white girl in the entire school and two biracials. Me and N. She was half-black, half-Korean. In elementary school, we were tight. She was cool and there were no problems. Then, we went to middle school and she became a white girl. Totally threw me off! She shunned everything that had to do with black folks, including her dad. Well, none of her white friends knew she had a black daddy at home so of course they couldn't go home with her. She had folks thinking she was white and Korean, although I don't know how she explained her hair because it was long and kinky. She went through great pains to identify herself as a white girl and it pissed me off. We had been friends for maybe 5 years including the entire summer before middle school. She lived in a black neighborhood and played with black kids every afternoon. But, at school, she was white. We went to different high schools but this continued. We reconnected on facebook. She is now married to a white guy with two very cute little boys. I did see pictures of her black father on her page so I'm hoping she's finally comfortable in her own skin. I have no problems with her having mostly white friends but I do have a huge problem with her denying a part of herself.

Of course, I have reconnected with others who seem to be doing well, even better than before. That's really nice to see. Time and distance made us lose contact and it's nice to be able to drop a line or two sometimes.

Random

2009-01-30T07:09:00.002-06:00

Is it just me or did this week just fly by.

I went to the doctor yesterday and found out I haven't dilated at all. I really thought I had by now.

I can't wait to see my baby girl. I'm finally getting excited now. I just might actually start getting stuff for her, like pampers and such. She is supposed to be here really soon.

My mom died almost 15 years ago. That is such a long time. Sometimes, I can't remember specific things about her and I hate it. Danae is so confused about why granny (my stepmom) isn't my mom. She has seen pictures of my deceased mom but really still doesn't get it.

I'm so glad this Sabbath is my last one for teaching the cradle roll class for a while. I like to move and get on the floor with the kids and that's becoming increasingly harder. Danae is no longer in cradle roll but she says her class is not as much fun.

Brayden is really the sweetest boy ever. He is so generous with the hugs and kisses. We just might have to keep him around.

Everyone in my family has so many frequent flyer miles. Now, we have to figure out where we want to go. Dwayne wants to use them for a real vacation, not just to go visit the family. We already have two trips lined up this year. We're going to Tallahassee to finally meet our godson. We're also supposed to go to Orlando for his family reunion, although we have received no details about anything.

I really need to be doing stuff instead of sitting here typing on this computer so this is the end.

Danae's Birthday Recap

2009-01-29T07:54:00.004-06:00

So, our efforts of downplaying Danae's birthday really went out the window. This just means that we'll have to really go all out for poor Brayden. When I asked her what she wanted to do for her birthday, she said she wanted a manicure/pedicure and to get her hair done. Crazy, I know. Anyway, this is what she did.

Her godmother took her to get a mani/pedi last Monday. I wish I could upload the picture from my phone but this is a picture of her actual hands and feet. They won't look very different because she only has clear polish on her hands and cotton candy on her feet (but it looks clear).

(her little fat toes are so cute to me)

On Wednesday (her actual birthday), we went to the Rainforest Cafe for dinner. It was the best night because it happened to also be their kids night. So, they had a clown and people dressed up like animals and she thought it was all for her.

(Brayden helped her eat her birthday dessert)

(Why is Dwayne cheesing so hard?)

On Friday, she went to the salon to get her hair styled by Miss Brandye. When we first walked in, she was a little scared. But, she was very pleased with the end result even though she played in it so much that it didn't stay cute for very long.

(Um, she wasn't too happy about this part)

(But here, she clearly thought she was cute)

On Saturday we invited people over for lunch at our house. This was also her request. She was so excited that so many people came over.

She got some nice gifts although I'm very close to hiding that minivan (thanks Keisha) because I'm so tired of hearing her play the little radio. Her dad bought her some roller blades and she's not too bad with them either. Of course, she received other gifts as well. She told me she had a very good birthday and really that's all that matters.

I still can't believe my baby girl is 4.

And another thing...

2009-01-28T11:55:00.002-06:00

Brittany, Georgia's daughter, told me something on Sunday that made me fight back the tears. Georgia had a stroke on Danae's 4th birthday. While she was lying on the floor, unable to move, she said "Brittany, I forgot to call Nae Nae to tell her happy birthday!" She was always thinking of other people, even at her darkest moment.

I told Danae that Auntie Sis Melville said "Happy Birthday" and she was happy to hear that. Now, I just have to find a way to explain this death to a VERY inquisitive child. Feel free to give me ideas. Just keep in mind that she asks so many questions that I had to explain what a stroke is because she wouldn't accept just hearing that Georgia was sick and in the hospital.

Follow up on Georgia

2009-01-28T09:38:00.005-06:00

For those of you who don't already know, Georgia Melville died over the weekend. We are all very shaken up by this but we know that God knows best.

The point of this post is just that we need to remember how important it is to appreciate each other every day and every time we see one another. Sometimes we may have to inconvenience ourselves but we must let each other know that we really care because you never know when it will be too late.

In December, our church's school had their Christmas play. After the play, I asked Georgia if her daughter's school was going to have a play. She said yes and told me when it was. I told her I would be there. On the day of her daughter's play, I was really tired and Dwayne was out of town on a business trip. I still went to the play because I promised I would. Georgia was so happy I actually showed up and told a few others about it. It made me glad I went even though I honestly thought about missing it.

Earlier this month, I received the following email from Georgia.

Hi bff (lol)
How are you doing? I looked at you on Sabbath and I can see that God is truly good to you and Dwayne. Take care and as usual I am praying the baby will be born on my birthday Feb 9th. You have two lovable and trained children and I pray that you and Dwayne continue to train them up in the way of the Lord. I won't be at church this sabbath so give them both a hug for me okay. I just sent up a prayer for you and the family. Take care and happy new year.

In peace

Georgia

That just reminded me of something. The last Sabbath Georgia was at church, she made an announcement about something for the federation stuff. Somehow, my name came up in her announcement and she said "my BFF Bridgette Gibson". After church, I told her I didn't know we were taking our BFF status public. I thought it was just reserved for our private emails like the one above.

I can't begin to count how many times this woman told me she had prayed for us. When we dealt with our fertility issues, she prayed every day. And, this is not something she did specifically for our family. She prayed for everyone and was genuinely concerned about everyone. Because of the above email, we ended up having a very heartfelt conversation where I told her I really appreciated her, I loved her, and how she was one of my favorite people. I'm so glad we had that conversation because now would be too late.

I had also asked her opinion about something I want to start at our church. This was a part of her response: "I am very busy but to take time out for my daughter and other girls her age means more to me than anything else so COUNT ME IN. By the way, while Jesus was carrying the cross the naysayers were there and he still went to Golgotha (what a mighty God we serve)."

I talked to Georgia a lot about raising children. Her kids are amazing and I like to get advice from those who have been down the path I'm on. She would do anything for her kids. She gave me a lot of practical advice that I will treasure for the rest of my life.

Georgia was one of the few people who was woven into almost aspect of our church family. She will be greatly missed.

Randomly speaking

2009-01-23T08:12:00.003-06:00

25 more days to go! At least that's how long I have until my due date. Of course, I'm hoping Danica comes a little sooner but whatever's best.

Danae is going to a salon for the first time today to get her hair done. I can't wait to see how she acts because she is so scary of everything. I also can't wait to see how she looks.

Brayden still doesn't understand that he can't lunge on my stomach. I have learned all kind of defense maneuvers that won't hurt him in the process.

My dad forgot Danae's birthday. He thought it was Feb 21st. He said I'm having too many children and he can't keep up. I made him feel bad for it though.

I have to change clothes in the middle of the night every night because I have been sweating profusely. That ain't cute.

I'm not ready to have my sleep disrupted by a newborn. Hopefully, she'll be like Danae and start sleeping through the night at 2 months.

I can not wait to find out what my brother-in-law and his wife are having. He really wants a boy and I hope he gets his wish. My other brother-in-law and his wife are having a girl in April.

Although I think newborn babies are really cute, I don't care for them a whole lot. I like babies when they are about 6 months or older. I rarely ask to hold someone's newborn. Someone recently told me that was weird. My favorite age is about 2 because then they're independent but still baby-like.

We have been trying to break Danae's finger sucking habit but with little success. Since she got her manicure on Monday, she sucks them way less because she doesn't want to mess up her fingernails. A little vain, are we?

Yes, my daughter got a manicure and pedicure too. That was part of her birthday present from Auntie Nese (Jenise).

Dwayne and I will have some alone time on Sunday. We plan to go on a date but we'll see. We tend to get a little lazy with no kids around.

Pray for me as this pregnancy comes to a close. I need a healthy delivery and baby and more energy. I am seriously losing steam.

Have a wonderful weekend!

One of those annoying emails.

2009-01-23T08:00:00.001-06:00

I have gotten this in email form from a few folks. So, I decided to answer it on my blog so anyone can read it if they choose. And, I don't have to forward it to other folks who aren't interested either. Anyway, here goes.

1.What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Lay a wood floor. Visit Hong Kong. Ride a horse on a volcano. Many things, actually.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I always know people who are giving birth because everyone and their mama keeps having kids. My friends LATANYA/TERA, Ruth, Keisha, Brenda, and Shirley gave birth this year. I think that's it.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My cousin and I still haven't dealt with my grief. I just try to push it into the corners of my mind.

5. What countries did you visit?
I visited the Philippines and Hong Kong.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
More patience with my children and a healthy baby girl.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The day I found out my cousin died because it was the first time I ever felt the wind knocked out of me. The day Obama won the election because I just really didn't think it would happen.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I can't think of anything in particular.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I can't think of anything in particular.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I thought I was ill from food poisoning but it turned out I was just pregnant.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I can't think of anything in particular.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband because he gets better and better each year.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My cousin's widow...I was only appalled not depressed.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Likely to stuff for the kids and that car in the garage.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Obama winning the presidency

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
I don't know.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
- i. happier or sadder? happier
- ii. thinner or fatter? pregnant-er
- iii. richer or poorer? About the same I guess

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Go on dates with my husband without the kids

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Crying...see #4

20. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yep, with Dwayne and Jesus.

21. How many one-night stands?
No one night stands but apparently one night was a little more life-changing than the others because it resulted in another pregnancy.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
I don't know but I did get back into ER.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't hate anyone.

24. What was the best book you read?
I can't remember if I read this in 2008 but The Kite Runner was really good.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
That I really don't have to listen to music very much because I treasure silence.

26. What did you want and get?
I wanted health and happiness and love and got it all.

27. What did you want and not get?
More silence and solitude but, uh, I have little people around all the time.

28. What were your favorite films of this year?
The only movie I actually stayed awake through was The Dark Knight. I'm not much of a movie watcher, I fall asleep.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 31 and spent it eating lunch with my family and friends.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Finding out I inherited a huge sum of money.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Seeing how I ended the year with a very limited amount of clothing I can actually fit I'm going to refrain from answering this question.

32. What kept you sane?
God

33. What public figure did you fancy the most?
Barack Obama.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
I'm not easily stirred but probably the war.

35. Whom did you miss?
My cousin, like crazy. Even though he was in Kuwait at the time of his death, we kept in regular touch mostly through emails. I miss his crazy self but can't bring myself to delete his name from my contacts list.

36. Who was the best new person(s) you met?
Did I meet anyone new this year? I can't remember which means they weren't too intriguing. Except for the babies, of course.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
God's will is always superior to our own, even when we don't like it.

Prayer Request

2009-01-22T08:24:00.004-06:00

For those of you who do not believe in the power of God, please excuse yourself from this post. I'll be back with something new tomorrow. I don't mean to offend but I have a request for those who believe in God.

A member of my church, named Georgia, had a stroke last night and emergency surgery to save her life. I'm asking you to pray for her health and for comfort and peace for her family. She is married with two children. Georgia is a young woman, in her 40's (I think). I don't have any updates on her current status but will update this post if I find out anything.

Thank you.

Danae

2009-01-21T06:55:00.003-06:00

Today, my daughter became a four year old. I can't believe it! It feels like I was just welcoming her into this world and we're now celebrating her fourth year of life. I feel so blessed to have been chosen to be her mother. I'm humbled by the task that God gave us and parents everywhere. The very fact that he entrusts her care to us is mind blowing.

Danae is such a special little girl. She's warm and nurturing, she's friendly yet cautious, she loves to take care of other people, and has an amazing memory. My wish for her is that she grows up to love God and her fellow man, that she is always humble and respectful of others, that she never forgets who she is, and that she is ready to spend eternity with her Creator. Anything else that she accomplishes will just be icing on the cake.

I have a different (though not better) connection with Danae than I will have with my other children. It's simply because she was my firstborn. She has taught me just as much as I've taught her (if not more). We have grown together and will continue to do so.

I can't wait to see what's in store for my firstborn child.

Happy Birthday Danae! Mommy loves you!

Our New President

2009-01-20T12:05:00.002-06:00

President Obama is so inspirational. I love to hear him speak.

This isn't the first time I've watched an inauguration ceremony. I love formal ceremonies in general and have watched the inaugurations since I was a child. But, this one just felt different. I can't explain how it made me feel. I made my children sit and watch the swearing in. They enjoyed hearing "Hail to the Chief" and Brayden marched around the room while it was played.

If I didn't happen to be 8 months pregnant, my family would've been among the masses in D.C. Apparently, it wasn't meant to be and we watched on the television while Dwayne and I texted each other. He watched at work.

Preserving a Legacy

2009-01-16T08:52:00.003-06:00

I don't know about you, but in my family, we've dealt with a lot of death and sickness. I've noticed, though, that once the person dies they are elevated into a sort of sainthood. They become people who have only done good in their lives. Their dirty little secrets and past mistakes are erased.

My mother died almost 15 years ago now. One day, we were having a casual conversation about my childhood versus my children's childhood. I mentioned some things that I do that I got directly from my parents and other things from my husband's parents. Then, we also mentioned how we realize our parents did some things wrong and we choose to not repeat them. My dad felt insulted. He kept saying that my mom was the best mom, blah, blah, blah. I tried to explain to him that I agree with that statement because I do feel she did the best she knew how. But, she was nowhere near perfect. She did some bad stuff too. He feels that once a person dies, we should focus only on the good and not mention the bad. And because Dwayne and my children never met her, I should only tell them the positive. I called foul on that play. She was human, as are we. She made mistakes, as do we. She is not some mythological figure who was perfect and all-knowing. She was a woman who did what she could to make it day to day. I love and respect the woman she was, but I am also wise enough to know what I should imitate and what I should cast aside.

My cousin who died last year is another example. There has been so much drama since his death between his ex-wife and his widow. Of course, he was at the center of it all. So, one day during a conversation, the people there were trying to act like the women are just crazy and saying God took him out of this world because they were making his life hell and he was too good for that. Again, I called foul because he created the situation he was in. He confided in me a lot so I know more of the background. But, it's so unfair for them to immediately think he was the perfect part. In my opinion, when there are two crazy people linked to someone, that someone is the common denominator and is probably just as crazy or they're somehow turned on by the crazy. Plus, most women don't just go nuts unprovoked. But, he also did a lot of dirt in his short life. Although he was one of the sweetest people ever, he wasn't perfect and I don't think it's fair to cast him in that light. It's also not fair to his children. His 7 year old son is already feeling the pressure to live up to his dad's reputation.

So, my whole point is that all of us are flawed. And, I have nothing against preserving a person's legacy and passing that down to the future generations. My issue is when that person begins to achieve god-like status and is no longer relatable.

This Facebook Thing

2009-01-15T07:10:00.003-06:00

So, my friend has been trying to get me on My Space or Facebook for a few years now. I just didn't feel like being bothered. Dwayne's cousins had been trying to get him on for a while too. He gave in to the peer pressure and then I gave in to the spousal pressure.

I almost deleted my account for a few reasons. One, I don't want to befriend anyone I don't know and never knew. Then, I started getting friend requests from people who grew up with Dwayne but I don't know them at all. I thought this things was going to be really annoying.

But then, I got a friend request from someone I met probably 15-20 years ago. She's from Pensacola and is friends with my older cousin. I ignored it for a couple of days but then decided to accept her. I'm so glad I did. She lives just up the street in Austin. She homeschools her children (ages 6 and 11) and was able to pass along some great information to help me with my little ones. And, even though y'all didn't know this, I've been contemplating homeschooling my kids for a while even when they reach kindergarten age. The jury's still out on this one though. She and I talked for a few hours. She was open and honest and very candid about the pros and cons. So, just for this reconnect, I'm now glad I got on facebook.

Oh yeah, and I have reconnected with some other cool folks from my past that I neither see nor talk to often enough. But these fools who don't know me need to kick rocks. And these fools who only know Dwayne need to send a friend request to his page and not mine. And, why does Facebook keep recommending me to become friends with Dwayne's ex-girlfriend? I told him I was gonna send it to her just to see what happens. But, really, I'm not.

We're not so different after all...

2009-01-14T14:00:00.000-06:00

My dad came to visit us for Christmas. While he was here, he was saying how much Danae reminds him of me when I was a little girl. I wasn't surprised because she definitely has my attitude and a lot of my personality. But, I was surprised when he told me his reason. She's such a girlie girl. I was shocked because I'm not girlie at all. Then, he pulled out some pictures from when I was little. For some reason, this man always has random pictures with him but they're not in a photo album or anything. Anyway, in most of them I had on a dress and was playing with my dolls or my toy kitchen or something like that. I told him that was impossible because I always thought of myself as more of a tomboy.

So, what had happened was, I really was much more interested in feminine things. But, my mom kinda nipped that. She wasn't so girlie and couldn't relate and chose to ignore that part of me. When I was little, I used to get my hair done every other Saturday. I thought it was because my mom didn't want to have to deal with my hair. Turns out, I requested to start getting my hair done professionally at the ripe old age of 5 years. Guess what Danae requested to do for her 4th birthday? Yep, we're not so different after all.

The lesson here for me is to pay attention to my kids interests and not let my own interfere with that. Unless of course, they become interested in things that will be detrimental to themselves or others. But, we have to celebrate their uniqueness and find ways to help them explore those things that bring them pleasure.

Baby Making (Or Not)

2009-01-14T08:00:00.000-06:00

So, as I've said before, I'm getting my tubes tied this year. I have had so many people tell me they don't agree with this. I've been told that I should let God decide how many children we have or ask him to close my womb. I should wait and see if I want more children in the future. It's too permanent. What if something happens to my children and I decide I want more later.

I honestly didn't expect to run in to so much opposition. First of all, it's my body and my decision. Secondly, I am absolutely sure that I don't want more children. And lastly, it really is my decision.

The funny thing is that my friend who has 5 children has received a lot of criticism for the size of her family and was told repeatedly that she should've gotten her tubes tied. Now, there are other circumstances in that particular family that would warrant such remarks. But my point is that people are never satisfied. If we continued to have children, I'm sure someone would say it was too much. Now that we've decided to control our family size, apparently we shouldn't do that either.

Some people just have too much to say about other people's lives. At one time, I wanted 4 children. I have no idea how I decided on that number. After Brayden, I thought 2 was a great number. But then, number 3 rolled around and we're happy about having this little one. I think if I had begun procreating at a younger age, I might have gone beyond 3 children. But, I didn't and so I'm not. After Brayden was born, we did indeed pray and ask God to shut my womb and prevent any other pregnancies. Obviously, our will was not aligned with his.

By the way, unlike a lot of people, I do wish I started having children earlier. Actually, we tried to begin when I was 25 but our fertility issues caused a little delay. So, I had Danae at 27, Brayden at 29, and now Danica will be born while I'm 31. One of our goals was to have all of our children before reaching the big 3-0.

Anyway, my point was that we are really happy with the decision to stop producing children. We have thought long and hard about it. Neither of us have wavered from this decision. So, why can't other people just accept it and keep their comments to themselves.

My Nightmare

2009-01-13T09:55:00.003-06:00

Last night, I had a horrible dream. Danae was kidnapped. The worse part is that I actually saw it happen but was powerless to help her. She was taken by some folks who looked homeless or something because they were dirty and disheveled. The people told me I would never be able to find her and I believed them.

My dreams are extremely vivid. Most of the time, when I wake up, I have to figure out if they were real or not. The only reason I immediately knew this was a dream was only because I was in my bed and everything happened outside. I still had to go and make sure my baby was in her bed though.

If anything ever happened to my kids, I feel certain that I would probably lose my mind. I can take a lot of things but that would just be too much to bear. I can't even watch some movies or shows now that involve people hurting kids because I imagine how it would feel for it to happen to us.

Growing Up

2009-01-12T14:18:00.002-06:00

Danae went to her first Adventurers meeting yesterday. It really amazes me that my little baby is old enough to be an Adventurer. It seems like she was just born the other day. Anyway, she really enjoyed being there. I look forward to seeing her in her uniform and going camping and all the other fun stuff. It was so cute when they were learning how to get in prayer attention and the other little drills.

Brayden was so sad that he couldn't go with her but I just reminded him that he can go when he's old enough. He had to stay home with daddy. When we got back, he asked her a million questions about what she did at the meeting.

My aunt called me yesterday to let me know that she purchased her ticket to come and help me when the baby comes. I'm so very happy! She came when Danae was a newborn and was such a big help. She also came out when I went back to work after Brayden was born. I thought she might not make it this year because she's getting older and she said she wasn't sure. But, she'll be here on February 15th. YAY! Now, I just have to try to keep Miss Danica inside until she gets here.

Tired

2009-01-10T21:22:00.002-06:00

This is my 26th month of being pregnant during my lifetime and I'm tired. I'm trying not to complain but I'm really tired.

That's all.

Dangerous Times

2009-01-08T08:02:00.003-06:00

I was watching Law and Order: SVU last night and the show was about a man who was drugging and then raping women. He apparently was charming enough to engage them in a conversation and the next thing you know the deed was done and they didn't even remember it.

Sometimes, shows like this make me so grateful. In my youth, I did a lot of stupid things. I drank heavily, went clubbing far too often, and just took unnecessary risks with my life. Stupid things! I can remember living in McGuinn dorm at FAMU and coming home extremely drunk. First of all, I drove myself home which was a danger to me and everyone else on the roads at that time. Then, they decided to have a middle of the night fire drill. My roommate had to drag me out onto the steps because I literally couldn't walk. Another night, I ended up spending the night at a f striend's house because I was so drunk that I passed out in her car. And, she said she wasn't about to drag my butt up the steps to my dorm room. I could barely recall what happened the night before. Thankfully, God saw something much better in me and protected me.

I sometimes think about the 'what ifs'. What if I had an accident while drunk? What if I killed someone? What if I went home with some strange guy? What if I had been raped or assaulted? What if? What if? What if?

I thank God that nothing bad ever happened (unless I truly don't remember). I thank God that I'm alive today and have learned the lessons from my past. I thank God that I can pass these lessons on to my own children with the hopes of them avoiding my mistakes.

Because of my mother's sickness and subsequent death, a lot of my teenage years were spent with me figuring things out for myself. I really could've used some guidance there. This doesn't mean I would've have done the same stupid things but I lived a pretty sheltered life and had no warnings for the dangers that come with freedom from parental supervision. I wasn't prepared to make wise decisions. But, I honestly wouldn't trade my experiences for anything because they have made me who I am today.

I have not drank a drop of liquor in probably 12 years or more. Trust me, I did enough before it was even legal to do so.

Fun Times with the Kiddos

2009-01-07T07:21:00.002-06:00

I'm sure you remember Chris Rock's stand up routine where he says your number one goal when raising a daughter is to keep her off the pole. That, he says, is the sure sign that you have failed as a father. So, imagine my laughter (and Dwayne's disgust) when Danae tells us at least once a week that she likes swinging on poles. Granted, she's talking about our bed posts but it seriously makes me laugh every single time because it freaks Dwayne out so much.

The same thing happens when she talks about her imaginary friend named Mark. I can't imagine how he will be when she hits the teen years.

***

Yesterday, I had a longer-than-necessary conversation with Brayden about why he's not a man. I told him that he's such a big boy because he is finally acting like he's actually potty trained.
His response: "I'm not a big boy. I'm a man."
Me: "Uh, no, son, you're a big boy. Daddy's a man."
Him: "No, mommy, I'm a man, a big man. You wanna see my muscles."
This conversation went on way longer. The conclusion: I say he's a boy, he believes he's a man.

***

I rarely spank my children. I try to use other forms of discipline first. But, yesterday morning, my girl decided to try my patience and it ended with her getting a spanking. I fixed them oatmeal for breakfast which made her mad because it wasn't what she wanted. Whatever. So, she's sitting at the breakfast table refusing to eat. I told her she didn't have to eat but she wouldn't get anything else until lunch time, including no mid-morning snack.
Danae: "But I don't want oatmeal. You didn't ask me what I wanted first."
Me: "Breakfast for today is oatmeal. You need to either eat it or get down from the table and wash your hands."
Danae: "I'm hungry but I don't want to eat this." She pushes her bowl to the middle of the table.
Me: "You better not knock that bowl down."
Danae: "You make me angry all the time."
I ignored her mainly because she's always talking about being angry or frustrated. She then sat there sulking and started crying.
Me: "What's wrong with you?"
Danae: "Mind your business. I wasn't talking to you."

SSSCCCRRREEEEEEECCCHHH.........

It took every bit of self control to not knock her butt out of the chair. I couldn't believe she had the nerve to go there. So, I had to get little miss down, have a long talk with her, and give her a spanking. I had to make sure she understands that disrespect will not be tolerated around here. She returned to the table and ate her oatmeal. Her brother, who had finished his breakfast by now, kept asking "Danae, did mommy give you a spanking?" She just say quietly. The nerve...

Inspiration Boards to Sewing to Fitness

2009-01-06T07:32:00.000-06:00

Believe it or not, when I was in high school, I took a few Fashion Marketing classes. It was mainly because I like to see the layouts in magazines, stores, on billboards, etc. I like how designers market their wares. A part of this class included having display windows and coming up with ad layouts. To this day, I still love looking at the ads in fashion magazines and store display windows. Some of the best I've ever seen (outside of NY which is great) were in Manila. The people there are serious about their malls and the windows alone would make you all giddy. And that's saying a lot for someone like me who doesn't really like to shop.

Today, I read something talking about creating inspiration boards, like they use on the HGTV shows. This is something I'm going to start doing, although maybe in a notebook or something instead. I'm a visual person and I have to see things (or draw them) in order to fully appreciate them. I think my friend Red's husband used to do this too. But, I may be mistaken.

Anyway, my husband bought me a sewing machine a couple of years ago as a christmas gift and that things has not been used much at all. So, one of my goals for this year is to get into sewing... for real. I'm going to start by covering my throw pillows because I don't really like them anymore. Next, I'll make something for Danica so she doesn't feel totally like the little stepchild of the family when she sees pictures of herself in all of Danae's old clothing. Then, I'll move on to clothes for myself and my post baby fabulous body.

Which brings me to another point: another goal is to get my body into great shape. I've already scheduled my tubal ligation so we are definitely ending our childbearing stage of life. This means my belly won't be getting stretched out of shape again so now I'll start working on it. Before, I refused to really work on getting it flat only for it to get big again.

Okay, this post really got random and it was totally unintentional. I was only going to write about inspiration boards but obviously got out of hand.

Back to Life

2009-01-05T07:03:00.003-06:00

For the past two weeks, Dwayne has been on vacation. That means our home life has been drastically different. We've been playing and relaxing and just enjoying one another. Well, today, we have to get back to our normal way of doing things.

I have to start my kid's "school" again. They have to get back on their normal sleep schedule because they've been staying up way too late most nights. At least, we'll be okay for about 6 weeks. And then, the real disrupting force will be here.

I think we decided on a name, Danica Aliyah. They mean "morning star" and "noble, sublime". You know I love for names to have a good meaning. We're all eagerly anticipating the arrival of our baby but no one is more excited than Danae. She prays for her every night and talks to her several times throughout the day. Brayden likes to kiss my tummy and talk to her too. I hope this love continues when they're faced with the reality of a crying, pooping, spitting up little baby.

Anyway, I gotta go and get ready for the day.

The First Day

2009-01-01T20:04:00.002-06:00

On this first day of a brand new year, I was able to spend time with the people I love most, my family. My husband fixed omelets for our late breakfast, the kids and I decorated a gingerbread house, we went shopping, and just hung out with each other. It was perfect!

Last night, we sat outside in the cold while igniting fireworks in front of our house. Danae ran away scared and Brayden shivered more than necessary. But, as soon as we came back inside, they both exclaimed that they had fun.

I don't make resolutions because I'm sure I would break them. But, I do hope that I become a better person this year, that I learn new things, travel to new place, and experience all that God has for me. I look forward to meeting my daughter and watching my children grow and learn. Hopefully, I'll become a better wife, mother, friend, daughter, and woman.

Who Doesn't Like Apples

2008-12-18T06:55:00.005-06:00

Even though Dwayne and I have been together for over 12 years, I am still always finding out something new about him. So, imagine how shocked I was when he told me yesterday he doesn't like apples or pears. Seriously, I've never heard of someone not liking apples.

He made a comment about how I put a pear in his lunch bag yesterday. Yes, I pack his lunch for work every single day. I told y'all he's spoiled.

The reason I didn't know about this particular dislike is because he eats food that he doesn't like simply because he knows it's healthy. So, let me run down a list of the things I can think of right now that he doesn't like. Let me know if you think it's a bit weird.

apples
pears
peaches
raspberries
blackberries
blueberries
papaya
cabbage
yellow squash
zucchini
okra
asparagus
tofu

Okay, that's all I can think of off the top of my head. But, he'll actually eat most of these things and just have a nasty face at the end. Weirdo!

I don't like cooked spinach and mango. I love raw spinach in a salad though. Seriously, that's all I can think of.

Can you believe he gets mad when the kids don't like a certain food? I have to remind him that they have his picky genes running all through them. They're not old enough to determine that they will eat it anyway because it's healthy.

So, I have concluded that my husband is crazy. The end.

Unemployed

2008-12-17T06:59:00.002-06:00

A few days ago, I got my letter in the mail verifying that as of January 2, 2009 I will no longer be employed. Although I haven't actually worked in almost 2 years, there was a sort of peace in knowing I still had a job to go to. But, they can't keep you on a leave of absence forever, you know.

This will be my first time being unemployed since I was 14 years old. I've been working more than half my life. Crazy! The only scary part is that there is no fallback plan for us. If Dwayne were to lose his job, we would have to hustle something up quickly. We have planned well and know we would be okay financially for at least a year though. So really there's nothing to worry about, I guess.

More than that, we know God will take care of us and that's really all the assurance we need.

In all of my 17 years of working though, no job has been as demanding yet fulfilling as my current one of being a MOTHER. I feel so blessed to have been able to stay home with my children. I love that I get to spend so much time with them and learn about them. I love that we share memories together that I would've missed out on at work. I love being their first teacher. And most of all, I love that we don't spend each morning rushing around getting ready to leave for the day and then rushing around each evening preparing dinner and getting ready for the next day. Even Dwayne says his life is less stressful now that I'm home. I think he's just getting spoiled though.

The only downside is that it never ends. I work 24 hours a day! But, before I know it, my kids will be in school and then teenagers and then out of my house. I know I'll treasure these brief moments forever.

So, I welcome my unemployment status at a time when most people dread hearing that word. If everything goes according to plan, I'll be unemployed for a few more years to come. We don't plan to enroll our children in school until kindergarten at the earliest; it may be a little later than that. We'll just have to see.

The Social Butterfly and Other Stuff

2008-12-16T10:59:00.003-06:00

My daughter is a social butterfly when she wants to be. But, she's more likely to speak to strangers than people she knows really well. I find that a little weird. And, she remembers everyone.

So, every sabbath after church she says she wants some friends to come over. She always wants company but doesn't realize we live on the other side of the world. We're thinking about having a kids holiday party at our house. Now, I have to figure out when. Dwayne and I told her our idea and she was excited except she doesn't want to call it a party for some reason.

The only food she wants is cupcakes. If we actually do this, I'll bake them and let the kids decorate them. I don't know yet what else we'll do though.

***

Brayden is sick now and Dwayne feels something coming on. Danae wants to be sick so she can take medicine. Brayden acts like such a baby when he's sick. He has to be all up under me and whines a lot.

***

Do you all have fun plans for Christmas? We have no real plans right now except eating. My aunt is going to be in town visiting her son so I'm sure we'll spend some time with them. Dwayne wants to go on a road trip the week after Christmas but we'll see about all that. He has suggested Baton Rouge (to visit his cousins), Atlanta (to visit too many relatives and friends), or Dallas (to visit friends). I won't be surprised if we stay right here though.

Random again

2008-12-15T10:52:00.002-06:00

I just got off the phone with my dad. Is it bad that I hate talking to him on the phone? He repeats himself a lot and will tell me stories I've heard 25 times already. I want to say that but I know it will come out rude and I don't want to hurt his feelings. He'll be here on Friday to spend a week with us.

My brother-in-law and his family aren't coming anymore and I'm so sad about it. The bad economy is hitting them pretty hard so they don't want to spend anymore than they have to. They have 4 children (and one on the way) to provide for so I understand. His wife and I keep sending sad texts to each other though.

Why did Brayden come in my room this morning to tell me he peed in his bed. Then he said, can I get in your bed with you because my bed is all wet. Um, no, don't you still have pee on you?

Besides my kids, I have bought no other Christmas presents. I need to get on that this week. Let me know if any of you have found good things for dads, husbands, stepmothers, and little people.

I also promised my 16 year old cousin I would teach her how to drive. So, I'll be spending a lot of time with her over Christmas break. Her parents don't have the patience for it. I hope I don't regret this.

I'm Sick

2008-12-11T10:00:00.004-06:00

I have managed to get some kind of upper respiratory infection and now have to take antibiotics so I don't keel over. Really, my doctor is trying to get it under control ASAP before I get even further along in this pregnancy.

Speaking of that, at my appointment my doctor said the size of the baby and how I've developed makes him feel my initial due date is incorrect. So, he adjusted it up a week to Feb 17th. Didn't I tell y'all my baby would be born around that date? Only time will tell.

Because of my procrastinating ways, I have a lot of work to complete by Sunday so I've been staying up late at night this week. My husband complained yesterday about going to bed alone for the past few days. I told him I'll see him on Sabbath.

We still have not made any moves towards getting a new vehicle. Supposedly, it will happen before the end of the year so we can get a good deal. We just can't decide on what we want. Well, only Dwayne is putting forth any effort. I really could care less as long as it rides safely and has A/C and heat. I know, I'm a simpleton sometimes.

And, it snowed at my house yesterday. It wasn't a lot but it made the kids happy and they sat at the window watching it. Neither of them wanted to go outside because it was too cold.

Random Thoughts

2008-12-08T06:38:00.007-06:00

I was so tired last night that I crashed on the sofa and fell into a deep sleep. So deep, in fact, that I didn't even hear my kids running around, playing, and screaming right in front of my face. It was so deep that I didn't hear them trying to wake me up for our nightly worship. Dwayne said he told them to leave me alone because I was obviously very tired. I guess I really needed that because I feel great today.

I was reading an article today about Obama and his smoking habit. That is really not attractive. Even though I have family members who smoke, it's the one thing that is a complete turnoff for me.

The closer I get to the end of my pregnancy, the more anxious I feel. Why? Labor pains. That's something you can never get ready for. The good thing is that I feel this one will be very fast. Danae came in 4 1/2 hours, Brayden came in 2 hours, this one should come in about 30 minutes or less. At least that's what I'm hoping. I'm still going without the epidural though. Delivering Brayden hurt very badly; I thought I would be paralyzed at the end. As long as the pain is not worse than that, I can deal.

My doctor is really trying to persuade me to rethink getting a tubal ligation. I don't think so. 3 is a good number!

I have done almost NO christmas shopping. Only Danae and Brayden's stuff has been bought and stored away. I don't even know what I'm getting for Dwayne and I still have to buy for my nieces, nephews, godsons, and other friends.

I just realized I only have godsons, no goddaughters.

I am so grateful for uneventful pregnancies so far. The only issue I ever had was low blood pressure. But, no morning sickness, no bed rest, no preeclampsia, no anything else. With the first two, I worked until they were born. My last day at work was Thursday and they were both born on Friday mornings. That's something to be thankful for.

I wonder if this baby will be born on a Friday too. I hope so. I expect her to come on February 14 or 16 even though she's due Feb 24th. Wanna know why? Okay, no problem. A family that we're kind of close to has 3 kids also: two girls and a boy. Their son's birthday is Jan 20th and Danae's is Jan 21st. Their daughter's birthday is Sept 16th and Brayden's is Sept 15th. Their other daughter's birthday is Feb 15th which has given my my daughter's expected date of arrival.

Alright, I got stuff to do. Toodles!

Conversation with a 2 Year Old

2008-12-05T10:31:00.002-06:00

Brayden: Mommy, can I call you Bridgette? (sounds more like Bijjit)

Me: No, you can call me mommy.

Brayden: Can I call you Bridgette [insert last name]?

Me: No, you can call me mommy.

Brayden: But, I want to call you Bridgette.

Me: Brayden, everyone calls me Bridgette but you and Danae have a special name for me that I like way better than Bridgette. So, you can call me mommy.

Brayden: Yay! Danae, we can call her mommy!!!

If only it could always be so simple.

Bad Kids

2008-12-05T08:41:00.008-06:00

One of my pet peeves is truly bad kids. I don't mean very active, bundles of energy that can't sit down. I don't mean kids who get into stuff they shouldn't. I'm talking about actually disobedient children. Otherwise, I wouldn't like my own kids because Brayden is the poster child for too much energy and Danae is the one who will say stuff that you really rather she keep inside.

I also know it's not really the child's fault. We all come into this world as a blank slate. Whatever is put in, usually comes right back out. So, maybe I should say my pet peeve is bad parenting. Let me get to the story.

Our next door neighbors fit this bill. They (especially the mom) are what would be considered white trash kind of people. But, she's really nice. These are the people who live in this home. The parents, a 20-ish daughter and her boyfriend, and the 5 year old son. They have another son around 18 but I'm not sure he lives here anymore. The first time I met them, when we moved here, the father and then 13 year old son were in the middle of the street having a very loud argument, complete with all manner of profanity. At about 7:00 in the morning. Crazy!

My focus today is on the 5 year old. He doesn't go to school. He just turned 5 within the last month or so and his mom doesn't want him in an actual school until kindergarten. I have no problem with that because I plan to do the same with my kids. But, here's the thing. She spends no time with him during the day. He is out of the house very early in the morning. As a matter of fact, he walks to the bus stop with the other kids every day to see them off to school. He is usually shirtless and shoeless, even in this cooler weather. When it's too cold, he will wear a shirt and shoes but I've never seen him in a jacket. He plays outside almost all day and is usually out before his mom wakes up for the day.

He likes to come to our house to play when my kids are outside. It's usually not a problem. At first, he would be over here cussing but I told him it's not acceptable here so that stopped. Once, he tried to push Brayden off Danae's trike, but both Danae and I stepped to him. Danae was about to knock him down! She can kill her brother if necessary but nobody else better not even think about touching him. Sibling love at its finest! So now he knows that he can come here to play but there are rules. And he abides by them for the most part. He once asked me what would happen if my kids cussed at me or hit me, I told him they would get a spanking. And I told him the same goes for him. Shock and awe!

So, on Monday (I think) we were outside because it was such a nice day. Neighbor kid came over to play too. His mom needed to leave to go to the store and came to get him. He straight up cussed her out and told her no. She then said "You don't have to speak so rudely. I said come on." He said "She (meaning me) will watch me." I countered by telling them we would be going in soon. Then he said "I'll go but only if you promise to buy me a toy." Do I really need to tell you who won this argument?

Who's the parent here?

I actually feel sorry for him. When he's out early, he hasn't eaten so I've let him eat breakfast with us sometimes. I've fixed him sandwiches.

I also worry about him. He's still very young and wanders around alone a lot. He's a prime candidate for a kidnapper or sexual predator or something like that. I also worry about how he'll be as he grows up. With no discipline and structure now, what will he do as a teen and adult?

Our nickname for him in our house is Huck Finn, by the way. Sometimes, Dwayne and I talk about him in his face but he doesn't even know it.

99 Things I've Done

2008-12-04T10:12:00.012-06:00

Someone sent this to me so I thought I would do it. You have to highlight the things you've done out of this list of 99. I haven't been to Europe so that automatically axes off a bunch of stuff. But, the thing is, just when I begin to think my life is a little boring and mundane, I realize, I've done a LOT of this stuff!

1. Started your own blog (obviously)
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii (I've only been in a Hawaii because of a layover)
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain (Mt. Diablo in California, although I didn't make it to the top)
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning (I don't recommend it)
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort (I've never even seen real snow and have absolutely no desire to do so)
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon (I would like to one day)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (I don't even know where my ancestors are from)
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (you could always have more but you could have less too)
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (and ate more than I sold)
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible (working on this one right now)
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (fish)
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

The Grass Ain't Always Greener

2008-12-02T13:17:00.010-06:00

So, I was talking to one of my longtime friends recently. We've known each other since elementary school. Our conversation centered around wanting what you don't have vs. being satisfied with what you do have.

Anyway, this girl (let's call her A) was always THE girl. She was (and still is) one of the most beautiful women I know, both inside and out. She always encouraged her friends to be better and do better. She can make a Walmart outfit look like it came from Saks. When we were younger, A always had a boyfriend or several guys trying to be her boyfriend. Guys were always clamoring for her attention.

Currently, A is not married and has no kids. During our recent convo, she lamented about how she really thought she would have a husband and children by now. She feels like she'll never marry. As a matter of fact, a few years ago she sent me an email saying the same thing. I told her I'm going to keep it to read during my toast at her wedding.

A really wants a husband. But, her last few guy friends have been losers...excuse me...I meant LOSERS! One was dating her although he had a girlfriend and children in another apartment. Yes, this fool had two apartments. She fell for him hard and he broke her heart. There have been other losers too and I suggested that there must be something in them that she's attracting or subconsciously looking for. But now she has a new guy who seems to be wonderful. They've been dating for a very short time and she says it's hard for her to not want to rush things. She is, after all, on the brink of turning 32 and she says she can hear that biological clock tick, tick, ticking away.

She said she was thinking about how long I've been married and how I have (almost) 3 kids and our lives seem so far apart. However, when she talks about her life and travels and career accomplishments, I sometimes think about her the same way. You know, wondering how it would be to experience her life for a minute. This in no way means I don't treasure that which I have.

The whole point of this is that it can be so easy to look at someone else's life and wonder why yours didn't turn out the same way. Or, wonder if something is wrong with you. Or, wonder if you'll ever have that elusive all-American life. I think the best we can do is enjoy what we have to the fullest. The truth is there will always be someone wealthier, prettier, thinner, younger, more successful, etc. However, none of these things can truly make you happy because we'll always see someone with something that we might want.

No Worries

2008-11-25T16:01:00.001-06:00

Remember how I was trying to figure out what I would feed my vegan in-laws. Well, all was in vain, because they are NOT vegan at all. They do limit certain foods but we're eating chicken, fish, dairy, etc.

Random Thoughts

2008-11-21T07:31:00.005-06:00

I had the best sleep ever last night. I am so happy about this.
I never did go to choir rehearsal and here's why. On Friday nights, I'm tired and I just realized that. And, I have to be at church early on Saturday because I've been teaching the babies Sabbath school class. I guess the choir thing will have to wait.
I really like Dwayne's car. I drove it quite a bit while he was away because I didn't feel like putting gas in my car. It's pretty nice!
On the way to HEB camp, one of the cars we were following broke down. So, we ended up squeezing them (7 people) in 3 other cars. I had 3 kids in car seats in my back seat. I was overjoyed to find out that I can fit 3 car seats in my car. That means 2 car seats and a booster should work just fine. So, my quest for a new car is seriously on the back burner right now. I'm not saying I won't get one but it's not that serious.
My in-laws will be here tomorrow. And they're vegan. I don't know what they're going to eat while here. Any suggestions?
A stranger told me the other day that my belly looked small to be almost 6 months. I almost kissed her!
Brayden gets way too much attention when we're out and about. The other day a lady told him "You're such a handsome little boy." This player replied, "You're a very cute lady. You're so pretty." and proceeded to talk, smile, hold her hand. She was smitten. I have to pray really hard for that one because he seriously eats up that kind of stuff.
I have a lot to do today so I guess I need to get on it.

Later!

My Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

2008-11-19T22:33:00.008-06:00

Dwayne will be back in town tomorrow afternoon and we are very happy about that. I'm a little upset that I didn't go too. That was our plan, initially. But we would've had to get the kids down to Florida to either set of the grands. Or, we would've taken them with us. Sometimes, I don't even feel like packing them up to go to Walmart so I wasn't extremely interested in crossing the pond with them in tow. It just felt like too much of a hassle so I opted out of the trip. The cold weather there added to that decision.

Dwayne and I were talking before he left. We both love to travel and want to visit so many places. What better way to go than on the company's dime. They really treat you well. Dwayne has proven to be a good employee for them so he's gotten opportunities he never even dreamed of getting. His former boss is still trying to get him to Angola simply because of his work ethic. That's impressive.

I didn't really start writing this post to brag about him or anything. But as I type, I think of the man he has become. We met and started dating when I was 19 and he was 20. We are very different people now. I love the fact that we started dating so young because we were able to grow up together and build our lives together. And, trust me I needed to settle my little wild behind down. There was no need for a prenup because neither of us had anything. No separate bank accounts to keep my money away from his. Everything that we own belongs to us.

The thing I'm most proud of though is his unwavering belief in God. When he started working at his current job he was told he wouldn't go far because he went to a black college and he doesn't work on Sabbath. His answer was that his God is bigger than everyone in the company. If God determines that he should advance, he will. His job has allowed him to visit three continents for free. He has worked on many different projects giving him a lot of exposure both within and without his company. I think the reason is because he is not afraid or ashamed to share God's love with those around him.

After one of the kids was born, I went to his office so he could show his baby off. You should have heard the things the people said. They talked about how he is so calm and how he is a true Christian. I had to make sure we were talking about the same person with that calm comment. In the Philippines, he was always having spiritual conversations with the people there. The country is over 95% devout Catholics. His coworkers talked about how much they respected him. I asked him if he was going around preaching or something. He said he has just been given a lot of opportunities to talk about his faith. When an event happens during the Sabbath, he is asked why he won't be there. When they go out to business dinners or other outings and he's the only one who doesn't drink, they ask him why. When he chooses not to eat certain foods, he gets to explain that his body is a temple of the Holy Ghost and he doesn't just put anything in there.

What a great testimony he has become. He has truly become a man that I hope and pray my son emulates as an adult. I want Brayden to grow up to be hardworking, loving, outgoing, and someone who will stand for his beliefs even if everyone around him falls. And I want Danae and "Delicious" to marry someone like their daddy.

I love being married to him. Our marriage is better today than ever before. We had to cross some horrible roads to get here and sometimes we weren't sure we would make it through. But, it seriously couldn't be better. We know our love can stand the test of time. We now know how to avoid learning lessons the hard way. We know how to communicate and love each other.

I really hope you all recognized the title. My daddy used to sing that song to me all the time when I was a little girl. It's from "My Girl" by the Temptations.

Kid Talk

2008-11-19T08:56:00.008-06:00

First of all, the whining has stopped!!!

One of the most amusing things is having a conversation with the little ones or listening to them talk to each other. They say some crazy stuff. Every night before bed, we have family worship. The kids look forward to it and won't let us forget it even when we're dog tired. So, even though it's just been the three of us this week, daddy is still very much a part of worship because the kids pray for him every night...especially Brayden.

Brayden's prayer has been going something like this: "Dear Jesus. Thank you for keeping me safe. Help me to be obedient. Please help daddy to visit the queen (he's in London) and to get back on the airplane. Amen." Why is this boy so worried about his dad visiting the queen? I think it's hilarious that he wants that to happen.

When Danae is upset it always shows up in her prayers. She'll say "Please help mommy and daddy to stop being so bad to me." Or, please help mommy to say yes when I ask her for some cookies." I usually laugh about it but I told her she can tell God anything she wants to and she usually takes me up on that offer.

On another note, the kids are very excited about their sister. They put their mouths close to my stomach and talk to her every day. They also kiss my stomach. Danae prayed for a sister so she is so happy because God answered her prayer. She has made so many plans for the baby (she calls her Delicious). She says she's going to buy her a bib and a dress. She's going to help feed her and change her diaper. She's going to pick her up when she cries. She's going to let her sleep in her bed whenever she wants to. We have to talk about this every day. It's really nice to see her so excited about this new baby girl.

By the way, if anyone has any name suggestions, let me know. It needs to start with a D and not sound like a stripper name (i.e. Diamond or Delicious). Thanks.

The Fear Factor

2008-11-18T19:04:00.003-06:00

Every time I go to the doctor for my prenatal visits, my doctor reminds me of something. He is very nervous that I won't make it to the hospital in time for the delivery. So, my instructions are to get in the car as soon as I feel the first contraction. The fact that he says that at EVERY visit is starting to make me feel nervous. I have had pretty quick deliveries so far. Danae was born 4 1/2 hours after getting to the hospital. Brayden came in 2 hours. I had also dilated quite a bit by the time I arrived both times. The doc is convinced that I'll be on the news because my baby was delivered on the roadside somewhere.

I'm also beginning to feel a little nervous about going through childbirth. I'm not ready for that experience again. My neighbor says I shouldn't be bothered because I know what to expect. But, it's precisely because I know what to expect that I'm getting a little scared.

I'm still not getting an epidural though. I made it through twice so I know I can make it without one.

On the other hand, I can't wait to see this girl!

The Annoying Side of Parenting

2008-11-17T19:40:00.006-06:00

Brayden is sick with a cold. When he's sick, he's extremely annoying because he whines a lot. I HATE WHINING!!! Unfortunately, Dwayne is not here to rescue me (or him) and won't be back until Thursday. Brayden better be well by then.

Danae is trying to be a good big sister to him. But, he wants my attention and gets mad when she tries to comfort him. This, of course, leads to more whining. Danae decided to leave that nut alone after a while. She said "Mom, I tried to help Brayden but now I'm going to my room." I thanked her and let her go.

Danae cried this morning because she misses her daddy. She's such a daddy's girl. They both pray for him every night. I think we'll all be happy when he comes home.

Mid Week Fun

2008-11-13T09:09:00.003-06:00

This is who I hung out with last night...

And this is where we went..........to the Disney on Ice show.

Fun times!

I almost had a great night of sleep too until I was awakened around 4:30 this morning with a leg cramp that had me in tears. That sucka would not ease up. Dwayne rubbed and stretched. I rubbed and stretched. Eventually, I just got up and started walking around, afraid every minute that I would hit the ground. It left and I went to sleep again to be wakened by Brayden declaring his hunger.

Bad Night's Sleep

2008-11-12T09:35:00.002-06:00

For those of you who have experienced pregnancy, you know that a comfortable night's sleep gets more rare as the pregnancy progresses. Now, add to that a thunderstorm, a 2 year old boy, and a 3 year old girl, and tell me how you think my night was.

I got beat up so bad I thought I was in a real fight. Danae slept next to me because normally she's the better one of the two. Um, last night she was going through some thangs. That chick kicked and punched me so much. She even kicked me in my stomach so I had to turn around and shield my unborn from the crazy duo. Dwayne said he woke up and noticed that I was on the very edge of the bed. He tried to rescue me but they just came right back. Brayden was right up under Danae who was right up under me. So, today, I am sore and sleepy.

Dwayne said he even heard me moaning during the night. I almost got up to go to the sofa but I didn't have the energy to move.

Happy Veterans Day!

2008-11-11T12:33:00.003-06:00

There are a few vets in my family. Quite honestly, not one of them who served during war times came back anywhere near the way they were when they left. I think our nation has done a huge disservice to those who sign up to put their lives on the line for our freedom and safety.

One of my cousins fought in Vietnam. He REFUSES to discuss what happened there. Of course, I don't know how he was before he left. But, even the pictures before war looked different. He had a more pleasant disposition. When he came back, he had major struggles. Eventually, he ended up being an alcoholic and crack head. After years of being addicted to drugs, he went through a rehab program and has been sober for close to 20 years now. However, he still has to deal with the consequences. His girlfriend gave birth to a child who was addicted to drugs and still doesn't have the ability to make sound decisions. My cousin's body was ravaged. He still drinks heavily.

He will tell you that he started drinking and doing drugs because it helped him forget and to make it through another day.

I've had other cousins involved in this Iraq mess. One of them went totally crazy because of the things his job required of him. Then, he was dishonorably discharged. Before being discharged he requested a mental health evaluation and was denied. Another never made it home alive. Another is still in the military preparing for her third deployment in Iraq. She's a little nuts too.

Is this really how we should honor those who lay their lives on the line? My older cousin doesn't even acknowledge veterans day simply because he thinks it's a joke. He says you can't pick one day to honor those who have lost limbs, suffered unimaginable pain, and are in horrible mental health on one day with a lousy parade. I agree.

Camping With My Girl

2008-11-10T10:24:00.005-06:00

We had a very nice weekend at HEB Camp. The weather was really nice, much better than when we went previously in February and it was miserably cold. The food was delicious and, most of all, I got to spend a lot of time with my Danae.

Check out these beautiful fall colors.

Danae got to spend a lot of time with friends.

I told you I would have some funny stories.

For those of you who have never been, you have to ride through a very low part of the Frio River to get to the campsite. It's about 4 inches deep. When Danae saw the water, she said "Mommy, do you know we're not in a boat?" I told her yes. Then she reminded me that cars can't swim in the water. The way she said it was funny because I think she was genuinely concerned that I didn't know cars don't belong in water.

We also had another lady and her baby ride down with us. This lady did not bring any snacks, juice, or water for her child. So, I told her she could share some of my food. Inwardly, I was thinking what kind of mother doesn't bring food for her baby on a 4 1/2 hour drive. Anyway, I had fixed Danae her own snack bag. I knew I would be driving and wouldn't have the freedom to go digging around for stuff. So, she had a sandwich, grapes, strawberries, and juice in her bag. When she was eating her strawberries, the other child (2 yr old boy) asked for one. She gave him a strawberry. Then, he asked for another one. Danae said "No, my mommy said these are my snacks." I told her to share another one. Then, she started stuffing her mouth with strawberries so there would be none left to share. The baby asks for more and she refuses. Then, the other mother asked her to share. Danae said "Why didn't you bring snacks for your baby? Aren't you his mommy? My mommy brought snacks." I was rolling...on the inside. But, seriously, she was absolutely right. I told the lady again she was welcome to the snacks in my bag. I didn't have any strawberries though. She started complaining about the snacks I BROUGHT IN MY OWN BAG. I told her she could close the bag and eat nothing. Then, when we stopped for gas, there was a Subway inside. She said she forgot to cash her check and asked me to buy her a sandwich. I told her that I had bread, peanut butter, and jelly in the car but I was not spending any money to buy her a sandwich. She left it alone. The nerve!

I really enjoyed spending the weekend with Danae. It's been a long time since I've been alone with her and no Brayden. She is so easy going and sweet. She told me I was her favorite mommy because I took her camping. She was really obedient. I think we bonded a little more over the weekend and I look forward to more mommy/daughter outings together.

Separation

2008-11-06T10:07:00.002-06:00

So, Dwayne and I have decided to separate...but only for the weekend. He's going to Florida for his cousin's funeral and he's taking Brayden with him. I'm going camping with some people from church and taking Danae. This is our first time separating the kids for a weekend and I'm sure they'll go through some withdrawal. Or, maybe not. Brayden will get to spend time with his cousins. Danae will get to hang with her favorite girl friends.

Then, on Sunday, Danae and I are going to hang out in San Antonio for a few hours and do whatever she wants to do. It should be fun. We rarely get to spend time alone.

I'm sure I'll have some crazy stories to share after this one.

Our President and First Lady

2008-11-05T09:44:00.000-06:00

YAY!!!

2008-11-04T22:21:00.004-06:00

I am so excited about this election since Obama is the declared winner. Unfortunately, Dwayne is knocked out in the bed so I'm celebrating by myself.

McCain's concession speech was really nice. He bowed out with dignity and grace.

President Obama's speech was great! I love how he talks about his wife. I was moved when I saw Jesse Jackson in tears because I know this is truly remarkable for someone who fought so hard for our civil rights.

The best thing about this is that he has broken the ultimate glass ceiling. My children will have a different outlook on their opportunities and dreams and goals. My kids celebrated before they went to bed. They were running around the house screaming "Obama". In the morning, I can tell them he really is going to be our President.

I just pray that God continues to protect him and his family. And, that God will guide him in this most difficult task.

I am so HAPPY!!! Tonight...I cried.

Mr. President

2008-11-04T06:19:00.003-06:00

I can't wait for tonight just so this whole thing will be over. It's too much!

One thing I can't understand is why anyone would actually want this job right now. Our country is a mess! There is no way I would go through all of this campaigning and invasion of privacy and crap to be President. Not after Bush has messed us up so badly.

I really hope Obama wins!

Halloween

2008-11-03T13:01:00.002-06:00

When I was little, my favorite holiday was Halloween. We used to have so much fun! We rarely bought costumes, we would just make them instead. Remember, my family was not the richest in the world. So, usually the weekend before Halloween, my cousins and I would descend on my aunt's house and come up with our costumes for the year. She lived in the projects so everyone had made-up costumes. Good times, indeed!

One year, we dressed our "uncle" (translation: my aunt's boyfriend) up as a woman, complete with boobs. It was a hot mess! But, he was always a good sport with us and would go along even if he looked crazy. I supplied most of the pieces of our costumes from my dance recital attire. Or, we would use old clothes or whatever.

Anyway, the people in the hood would always give the best candy. There would usually be a couple of parties that we would crash and it was the one day we could eat as much candy as we wanted.

Now, we don't celebrate Halloween and sometimes I get a little nostalgic. I know it's a fun time my kids won't experience. Coincidentally, my family in Pensacola doesn't celebrate it any more either. I enjoy looking out at the little trick or treaters in the neighborhood to see what they're wearing. I sometimes imagine how I would dress my kids and how cute they would look. But, I guess it's not that serious and my kids are scared of Halloween anyway. I made a mistake and took them in Party City where they saw the life sized monsters and it did not end well.

Life after Death

2008-10-31T14:55:00.002-05:00

No, this isn't about anything spiritual although I noticed the title seems like it will be.

Dwayne has a cousin, probably in her mid to late forties who has been battling cancer for a few years now. A couple of nights ago, we got a call that she probably wouldn't make it through the night. This morning, we got a call that she died. I feel so bad her husband and daughter because even when it's expected it's still very hard.

This afternoon, I got a call from one of my sisters-in-law. She called to let us know she just found out she's pregnant. They have been trying for probably about 6 months now. I'm so excited for them. So, Dwayne and both of his brothers are living with pregnant wives. I think this is so cool! His parents are going to get 3 new grandchildren in the span of about 4 months. Dwayne's leading the pack, then his younger brother, and then the older brother. This will bring the grandchildren total in his family to 7.

Although I don't want to

2008-10-28T07:04:00.002-05:00

I think I can handle almost anything. I'm not really scared of the economy crashing. I can deal with losing every material possession I own. I will pick up and move anywhere in the world if necessary. I just don't fear a whole lot of the bad things that can happen to me.

But, my one fear is something happening to any of my children. If my child was found slumped over in a SUV because of a fatal bullet wound, it would be very hard for me to get past that one. This is why I pray all day and every day for the safety of my babies. There are some things I just can't handle and hope I never have to try.

But Where Is God?

2008-10-23T08:21:00.002-05:00

Yesterday evening, we had a thunderstorm in our area. If you ever get to experience this with my children, you will see how different they really are. Brayden ran from window to window looking at the rain and lightning. Danae almost made me fall by holding onto my dress and following my every step.

She is TERRIFIED of the sound of thunder. Actually, she's afraid of quite a few things. A while ago, we adopted the practice of talking about the fear, reassuring her that everything will be okay, and praying about it. So, she came to me and asked me to sit on the sofa with her so we could wrap ourselves in the blanket during the storm. I reminded her that I was still cooking so I couldn't do that. But, I told her she could stay in the kitchen with me. She did, while holding onto my dress the entire time. Brayden came to pat her on the back a couple of times but he was too excited by the noise so he didn't stay long.

I asked Danae what made her afraid of thunder. She said it was loud. I told her she likes other loud things and told her noise can't hurt you. She said it sounds like it's going to break something. So, I told her we don't have to be afraid because God is there to protect us. She said she knows that but she doesn't know where he is because she's never seen him. Then, she asked me "Where is God?" I told her he's everywhere all the time. She said "but I really need to see him today." I said he lives inside us so we can't see him just like we can't see our hearts or stomachs. She then said "Okay, but I have to be good so I can see him in heaven." So, we prayed that God will make her feel safe and not so afraid. It worked.

It's hard to explain some things to children. Luckily, they accept what we say but these discussions really make you think. How do you explain God to someone who doesn't know him?

Kid Stuff

2008-10-22T08:53:00.003-05:00

I don't have time to blog about what I wanted to but I wanted to share a couple of things.

Danae said the sweetest thing to me yesterday. We always talk about what she wants to be when she grows up. She is seriously all over the place. She wants to be a pilot, model, beautician, teacher, drawer (as in person who draws), or work in an office like daddy. But yesterday, she added "I also want to be a mommy because you're a good mommy and I love you." Is that sweet or what? She also wants to have a baby in her belly too. Brayden then told me "Yep, you're absolutely fantastic." He's into trying out big words now.

Then, last night Danae made us all join her for a tea party. During the party she got a pretend call from her friend. His name is Mark and he's 20. He lives in Hoorah! Dwayne was going off about how she doesn't need 20 year old boy friends. She said but he's cute too! I was rolling. The only reason she thought up an age and location is because Dwayne started grilling her. She makes up extra friends quite often during her pretend play and I just let her roll with it. Dwayne has to get all extra about stuff. She also thinks Chris Brown is really cute. She knows about him because he's been on Sesame Street a couple of times.

I could've been a thug Mrs.

2008-10-21T06:50:00.003-05:00

Can you imagine it? Me either. Let's get to the story.

My first love was this sweet, cute boy named Michael. We met when we were about 15 in the choir I wrote about yesterday. He was a lot of fun to hang with and my entire family loved him. So, after hanging out a bit, he asked me to be his girlfriend. We dated for the rest of our high school years.

He was really a good guy. He was super smart, went to church every Sunday, and was very respectful. But, he came from a crazy family. His parents divorced when he was younger which really affected the four kids. He had an older brother, a twin sister, and a younger sister. His mom and dad didn't get along at all and often put the kids in the middle of their disagreements. His mom was rumored to be gay. I don't know if that was true but she did have a "friend" who lived with them. His dad remarried a very nice lady and moved on with his life. His grandma lived next door where she was raising her twin grandsons because their dad killed their mom and then himself. So, yeah, there were issues in that family.

Anyway, we dated during high school although we attended different schools. We went to prom together and everyone thought we were such a cute couple. But, things changed. As smart as he was, he had no hope for a different future. He was always told he would never be anything or do anything. And, he started to believe it. He spent almost every waking moment with me and my family...which was sometimes very annoying. But, he just needed to get away and I understood that.

Eventually, he became a different person. When we met, he was on the football team and physically fit. He became fat over time and that was not attractive to me. He lost interest in school. During our senior year, he started hanging with the wrong crowd and started selling drugs. That was also not attractive to me. He used to give me money and I would just give it back. He didn't understand that I was not to be bought. I loved the fresh 15 year old version of him, not the trappings of his new lifestyle. He did graduate from high school and I tried to encourage him to go to school or learn a trade or something. It was too late.

We ended up breaking up but he really held a special place in my heart at the time. I had so much hope that he would turn his life around and make better decisions. He was arrested but had very little dope on him so was only charged with a misdemeanor. I thought that would be the straw that broke the camel's back. At the time, I had moved to Tallahassee for school but we still kept in touch. I visited him a lot and we had one of those on again/off again relationships. Until, one weekend while I was at home. I think we were supposed to go out to eat or something. I was at my aunt's house and he lived nearby so I decided to drive to the restaurant. He got in my car, looking very tired, and then took something out of his pocket and put it in my console. Y'all, it was crack rocks! I almost lost it. At that moment, I realized everything we thought we had was gone. He didn't really love me anymore because if he did, he wouldn't have brought that in my car. I immediately threw it out of my car. I cursed him completely out and made him get out of my car. He had a long walk home that night but I was finally free of him and his problems. The boy I loved had become a man I despised. We talked a couple of times after that and he apologized. I accepted it but never let him back into my life. Of course, different people would tell me what he was up to from time to time and I found out he never got out of that lifestyle. He is currently in a federal penitentiary serving a life sentence because of Florida's three strikes law.

I saw his mom a few years ago and she told me she always thought we would get back together. When I left him alone, she was actually mad because she felt like I was giving up on him when he needed me. His twin sister and I keep in touch sometimes.

I often think about how my life could have turned out so drastically different. I'm glad I had the wisdom to kick him out of my car and my life. I have no desire to be visiting any man behind bars or explaining the situation to my children. He actually has a daughter in Pensacola by a girl who I went to high school. She liked him while we dated and was very flirtatious with him. She eventually got the prize and made sure all my friends told me about it. She didn't realize he wasn't a prize anymore, just a little cheap toy in the bottom of some Cracker Jacks. Even though she was trifling, I feel sorry for her because she truly is a single mom and her daughter will never have a father. I can't imagine.

The fool actually asked me to marry him at one point; he even had a ring for me. I knew it was neither the right time or man and told him so. Thank God for insight!

What should I write?

2008-10-20T06:46:00.005-05:00

Well, I sat down to post something today and couldn't think of a thing to write to start this week. So, I looked at a previous post to get ideas and saw this.

I sing: to my children every day

Then, I thought of something that none of you know about me.

I used to sing a lot in church but that really changed in March 1994. Let me tell you a little about it.

When I was a little girl, my family (extended family included) was really into music. I have a cousin who is a very seriously good musician. His specialty is the trumpet but he can play almost every instrument there is. Well, on second thought, I don't think he can play string instruments. This fool lives in Houston too and one day I'm going to get him to play at our church. Anyway, we frequently had talent shows in my aunt's backyard with at least 50 people in attendance. We coordinated dance routines, sang songs, and had so much fun together.

One of my older cousins decided to form a group with us younger ones. So, we formed a quartet and would sing church songs. Sometimes, we had a fifth member as well. We got pretty serious with this and eventually were invited to sing at a lot of different churches. From my memory, we sounded pretty good too. A funny thing about this though is my cousin named our group. I can't remember what it was though. But, almost every time we would go sing, she had changed the name of the group so we never knew when it was our time until she would start hitting us to get up.

This really sparked an interest in music and I went on to join a wonderful community youth choir in Pensacola. The director was absolutely amazing, although a little nuts sometimes. We had about 150 members and everyone loved singing with this choir. It was in this choir that I learned I have a range from 2nd soprano to 2nd tenor...because he made us all sing individually to find this out. Some of our songs had parts divided into 1st soprano, 2nd soprano, 1st alto, 2nd alto, 1st tenor, 2nd tenor, baritone, bass, and whatever I might have left out.

Eventually, as with most things, this choir fizzled. The problem was the director got an amazing job opportunity in another city and moved away. No one could fill his shoes.

Of course, I also sang at my church. Believe it or not, I sang solos too. The last time I led a song was March 1994. I don't remember the title, but one line was "the anointing makes a difference in my life". I sang it the last time my mom attended church. That week, she went in the hospital and never left. I have never sang a solo since and now that I write this I'm convinced it's related to her death.

I actually miss singing. I'm going to choir practice this week, for real. However, my rule still stands. I'm not singing into anyone's mic. I'm too scared for all that.

Our Garden

2008-10-19T15:51:00.005-05:00

Did I tell you all that we have a garden in our backyard. It was supposed to be a project for me and the kids but Mr. Perfectionist got involved and has us checking the pH level of our soil and all kinds of stuff. Anyway, we planted some planned stuff and we also have a compost section. The compost part is where you just throw whatever in the dirt and see what comes up.

We have carrots, scallions, canteloupe, bell pepper, and eggplant plants that are doing well. Here's some pictures:

The canteloupes are so gangster. They are singlehandedly taking over our garden.

Scallions

Carrots

Eggplant (I think)

Let's Get Personal

2008-10-16T09:29:00.003-05:00

So, Trini and I were talking yesterday about revealing personal stuff on our blogs. Some people treat their blogs like they're on a reality show. They reveal very personal triumphs and tragedies. It's probably very cathartic but also very scary. They really put themselves out there to perfect strangers. Anyway, I decided to try this out. Next week, every post is going to be some sort of a personal revelation. I don't know yet just how deep I'll go but I'm curious about how it makes me feel and the comments I'll receive.

So, if there's anything you have ever wondered about me, ask. Or, give me topic ideas. I already have some things in mind. If there's absolutely nothing you're curious about, just sit back and enjoy the ride. You'll definitely learn something new about me.

*****

Danae's new phrase is "I'm frustrated". She's been saying it for a couple of days but Dwayne just heard it last night for the first time. He had to do a double take. She uses it appropriately too. I've been introducing new words to her vocabulary because she had been saying "I'm mad" all the time. We discussed her feelings and I now realize she would say she was mad but really meant frustrated or sad or confused.

*****

I have to get a new car and I don't want to. Because I worked in insurance, I hate the thought of getting another depreciable asset that I have to actually spend money on. But, I need something to fit my growing family. I'm not even going to seriously look until January though. It will be an SUV of some sort and I really don't like trucks.

Going Crazy!

2008-10-15T07:56:00.002-05:00

I have been very hormonal this week. Yesterday, I was seriously pissed off with Dwayne about something really inconsequential. I recognize it as being a hormonally induced rage. The night before I got mad with him about something else. I can't explain it but things that normally wouldn't even caused a raised eyebrow are driving me nuts. Dwayne thinks I'm losing my mind. Yesterday, he told me he loves me about 20 times. I think he's scared I might snap and go postal or something. I'm blaming the baby girl! And, the fact that this week is particularly stressful for me because of school and my habit of procrastination.

In my other pregnancies, I don't remember snapping about stuff. With Danae, there was a Donnie McClurkin song that would have me in tears every day. I can't remember which song it was but I had to listen to it every single day and would then be an emotional wreck. This was during my drive to and from work every day. With Brayden, I was too tired to be emotionally charged. This time, it's on.

Danae asked me if I was crazy or something. I asked her if I looked crazy. She said yes. I forgot that I can't ask her questions if I don't want her honest answer. She also told me the baby must be getting very big because my stomach won't stop growing. Isn't she the most comforting child ever?

Introducing my newest godson!!!

2008-10-14T10:07:00.004-05:00

Isn't he the cutest??? I think babies are at their cutest when sleeping. He was supposed to be born today but he came a little early on October 1st. Danae said she loves him. Brayden thinks it's Danae's baby picture. I'm not putting his name on here because I didn't even get permission from his mommy to post his picture. I just couldn't resist! I can't wait to see him in person.

I Need Help!

2008-10-13T07:50:00.002-05:00

I have a serious condition and I need one of you to help me find a cure.

My name is Bridgette and I'm a procrastinator.

Because of this, I will be extremely busy this week doing things I could've done a month ago.

*****

Danae got mad with me last week. We were in a store looking at baby clothes. I picked up some baby girl clothes and she asked if it was for her sister. I told her it's for another baby. She told me I don't need to buy clothes for another baby because she has a sister who needs clothes. I reminded her that her sister won't be here for a few months. That girl is nothing if not loyal to her siblings. She can beat Brayden down but will kill someone else for messing with him. Crazy!

*****

Brayden now has the habit of getting in his sister's bed to sleep with her at night. The problem is he sleeps so wild that he ends up kicking her out of her own bed. And, she won't sleep in his bed because she still sees it as a crib even though it's been converted to the toddler bed. So, she comes to my room whining about Brayden. Of course, his response is that he loves Danae. How can you be mad with that one? But, we still make him get out. She needs her beauty sleep, you know.

The 3rd Child

2008-10-07T09:11:00.004-05:00

In case you didn't know, I am absolutely thrilled that my third child is another girl. Danae and I prayed for a girl and God granted our request. I wouldn't have been disappointed if the baby was a boy but I am happy with the outcome. I don't really know why though. While we were getting the ultrasound, Dwayne and the tech both laughed at me. Why? Because I was just as excited as if it were my first baby. I oohed when she waved her little hand and smiled the entire way through. The tech said most moms aren't as excited after the first baby. But for me, it's as if she's my first. Although I have been a mom for a few years now, I've never been HER mom. Even though I have experience with a daughter, this is a different child who will have a different personality. I can't wait to meet her. I love children in general and have a deeper love for my own babies. Now, I look forward to seeing her and holding her and smelling her. I love that newborn baby smell. I look forward to the sleepless nights and horribly sore boobs. I look forward to getting to know her likes and dislikes, to teaching and loving her, to introducing her to this world, and to prepare her for heaven. In short, I can't wait.

If only I didn't have to go through the delivery part. A lot of moms say you don't remember the pain of childbirth. And, that's true to some extent. I can't really remember what it felt like but I do remember it hurt although obviously not enough for me to get an epidural. I also remember that it was a very different feeling each child and I only hope this is a little easier for me. I'm sure it'll be quicker. Danae was born 4 1/2 hours after we got to the hospital, Brayden came in 2 hours. My doctor told me this time I should head to the hospital after my first contraction to avoid a delivery on the freeway. The good thing about this type of pain is that the prize at the end is the best thing you can ever hope for.

The other part of yesterday's post

2008-10-02T07:57:00.003-05:00

I fail: when it comes to disciplining my children
I dream: crazy but very realistic dreams when I sleep. I almost always have to figure out if was real or not the next morning.
I sleep: with 3 pillows
I wonder: if Brayden is going to try to kill the new baby
I want: Apple pie and ice cream
I worry: about the world I'm bringing children into
I have: a better life than I thought I would
I give: more to others than to myself
I fight: the urge to eat chocolate every single day
I am: tired of being pregnant because I haven't had a good night's rest in months.
I can’t: cook rice and peas to save my life
I stay: home all day every single Monday.
I will: get my tubes tied as soon as this baby is out
I can: cook but I don't enjoy it
I would: love to visit Italy
I might: go crazy if Danae tells me one more time that she wants another Barbie doll
I like: to be around family and friends
I love: God
I smile: when my children tell me they love me
I frown: when Dwayne wakes me up early in the morning
I read: my Bible every night before I go to bed no matter how tired I may be
I work: more as a stay at home mom than I did at my actual job

More About Me

2008-10-01T18:51:00.003-05:00

I don't really have much to talk about so I'm going to do a little something I saw on someone else's blog. You may learn something new about me or you may not.

I am not: someone who will walk on egg shells around anyone. I can't handle overly sensitive people
I hear: Diego singing about a humpback whale
I regret: not finishing college when I went the first time
I care: more about people's feelings than most people think
I always: think optimistically about everything
I long to: have a flat stomach again
I feel alone: never because there's always someone in my face
I hide: and eat chocolate sometimes since Dwayne doesn't want me to while I'm pregnant.
I drive: very safely although Dwayne and Danae tell me I drive too fast sometimes
I sing: to my children every day
I dance: with Brayden almost every day
I write: on my blog when I feel like it
I breathe: because God has not stopped me from living yet
I play: basketball with the kids every day
I miss: my mother and my cousin Javares
I search: on Google almost daily
I say: "I love you" to my husband and kids every day
I feel: extremely blessed to have the life I have
I succeed: by letting God direct my path

Thanks for the memories

2008-09-26T07:32:00.004-05:00

Last year at this time, we were trying to adjust to life in the Philippines. We were severely plagued with jet lag. We slept all day and stayed up all night for at least a week. We were excited about the opportunity of living in a foreign country. We were still in awe and looking forward to the possibilities.

Right now, I miss living in the Philippines. It was exciting and different and made us see life from a different perspective. It made us value the people we love in the USA. It made us value our country. Even though we complain about our government and so many things here, I still feel that America is a truly great country. We have opportunities others only dream about. Freedoms (for now anyway) that some can't even imagine. I was reading an article the other day about the billions of pounds of food that is wasted yearly in our country. In the Philippines, they were rationing staple food because there just wasn't enough. Children were left to beg on the streets. The elderly and handicapped had to fend for themselves in a country that doesn't provide for their special needs. There aren't nursing homes there or homes for special needs or rehab centers like we have here. If your family can't support you, then you have to just find a way to make it day by day.

Truthfully, I sincerely hope we are given another chance to live abroad. I would go without hesitation unless it's the Middle East or Nigeria. I would go to Dubai though. Really, Dwayne wouldn't even have to discuss it much with me. Just let me know when to pack. I love to travel. Living in Asia allowed us to visit many areas in the Philippines and Hong Kong. We probably would've never gone to those places if we never left.

Dwayne has already informed the higher ups at his job that he wants another expat assignment. Actually, he told them that before we came back to Houston. The only drawback is leaving our family and friends here. We really missed y'all...even the ones we don't see very often.

Every expat woman I met while away told me living in a foreign country is addictive. None of them were itching to get back home. One lady had been an expat so long she felt like she no longer had a home. She was originally from Virgina but had lived in Rome, Cairo, Poland, Manila, and maybe somewhere else. Believe it or not, she said Rome was the worst assignment. Her three children were all born abroad and don't really consider themselves Americans. They're what's called "third culture children". They have no country that truly feels like home. The earth is their home.

Anyway, we are open to whatever God throws our way. If we need to stay here, then so be it. But, if he sees fit for us to hit the friendly skies and get away, we'll see you all later. And, you can all visit.

Politics

2008-09-25T08:20:00.003-05:00

For the first time in my life, yesterday I wore a shirt endorsing a person running for office.

What I didn't expect was for random strangers to just come up to me wanting to talk about it. The first lady told me how she ordered some t-shirts, posters, yard signs, and something else from his website but it hasn't come yet. So, of course, I had to brag about how I got my shirt in less than a week. Another lady said I didn't know you could get campaign shirts in maternity sizes. Several other people wanted to actually discuss the election with me. Of course, I was in Walmart with my kids so the timing and place wasn't really conducive for that type of discussion. I really didn't expect that reaction though. I've seen people walking around campaigning for people all my life. It never made me want to engage them in a conversation though.

On a side note, Danae doesn't know who the actual president is. If you ask her, she'll say President Barack Obama is the president. She doesn't even know W's name. Bad mommy!

The Favorite Child

2008-09-24T09:17:00.004-05:00

This is something I've always wondered about. Do parents have a favorite child? My parents did. It was me. I was also the only child so there was no competition. But, what about families with more than one? Like us.

I've been accused of having a favorite child. They say it's Danae. That's kinda funny to me because if you saw us at home, you would think opposite. When we sit to watch television or read a book, Brayden is always curled up in my lap or on my shoulder while Danae would prefer to sit with her daddy. But, he's not my favorite. He's just a mama's boy and she's a daddy's girl. We have no idea where #3 will fit in.

By the way, my due date is supposedly February 22nd but I don't think that's accurate.

Anyway, my stepmother clearly has a favorite child. And, she doesn't mind sharing that information. You would know it as soon as you walked in her house. She has tons of pictures of one child while you have to hunt for the pictures of the other two. Of course, my dad has pictures of me around too. My stepmother has 3 children, 2 daughters and a son.

Her favorite is her oldest daughter, R. She is a widow with no children, is very successful, and has quite a bit of disposable income. So, she treats her mom a lot. For instance, they just went on a Mediterranean cruise last month, she bought her a car, and they go on at least one vacation yearly together. Her other daughter, D, is a lesbian (which her mother disapproves of) and a minister (she was fired as a pastor because of her sexual orientation). Basically, she has proven to be a disappointment in her mom's eyes. Her son is an average guy. He's divorced with two children, isn't rich but also isn't in poverty. The last time he visited he told my dad he doesn't believe his mom loves him as much as the others. Isn't that a sad thing for a child to say?

So, guess which child visits the most? Yep, it's R. The other two don't. She and R talk daily while the other two are lucky if they hear from her once a week. It's a huge discrepancy. But, I'm not judging the situation. I'm very curious. Will this happen to me one day too? My hope is that I have a special bond with each child. I know we naturally cling to people who are more like us and share our interests but does that apply to our kids as well. I guess only time will tell.

Have any of you experienced this or seen it in other families?

My Big Boy!

2008-09-22T12:35:00.005-05:00

The other monumental even from last week was my baby's birthday!!! Brayden is now 2! Even though we were without electricity most of the day he still had a fabulous day! He played with his friends all morning.

He was so tired when he came in for lunch that he fell asleep at the table.

After his nap, he played with his friends more. The sweetest thing happened that day. Our neighbors from across the street brought over a Hostess cupcake with two candles in it and sang to him. He was so happy! This small gesture was really touching because they didn't have to but they wanted to make sure he got to celebrate his birthday since the original plans were ruined. Never mind the scarf on his head. It was totally his idea. I think it's cute in a Pirates of the Caribbean kinda way.

His friends brought over a gift for him too. He's sitting on it.

That evening we went to Applebee's for dinner. It was probably the worst meal ever because they didn't have much there. But, Dwayne was happy because he watched a little TV.

He also got some cool big boy toys from his mommy and daddy. He has a NBA kiddie basketball goal, a hot wheels race car track with extra cars, and a baseball and bat. He is such a boy! Oh yeah, daddy purchased a cake for him but didn't think about getting candles so we have a big candle off to the side for him to blow out. Bootleg!!!

I have to end this post with a few pictures of him over the last two years.

The day he was born

He used to hate bathtime with a passion. Now, you can't get him out of the tub.

His first birthday party in San Ramon, CA

His first haircut

Old Ike

2008-09-22T07:06:00.005-05:00

So, in the grand scheme of things, Ike didn't hurt us too badly. We lost most of our fence and had a lot of tree branches in the yard and Dwayne thinks we lost a couple of shingles off the roof. We were only out of power for a few days. It was restored on Monday evening. Our water was only out for one day. Some people have lost everything and I can't even imagine what they must feel right now. A lot of people in Houston and the suburbs still don't have electricity. Our church is in the same boat. We had to use a generator this weekend but it was still good.

I actually enjoyed our few days in the dark. Thankfully, God sent a cold front through so we didn't have to deal with extreme heat. Our family spent a lot of uninterrupted time together. There was no television to distract us. We all slept in our bed together. Every night, we just talked until we fell asleep. We realized just how silly and goofy our kids are. Danae likes to make up songs and Brayden is just nuts. We also spent a lot of time outside just enjoying the cool breeze. The neighborhood kids had a lot of fun together. Dwayne was off work for a week. It was nice!

Sometimes, life moves so fast and there are so many distractions that we tend to lose focus. We forget how to just sit and talk. We forget how to go to bed earlier so we're not so tired and unfocused the next day. Ike brought a much needed break from our normal lives.

Here are a few pictures from our Ike experience.

Our neighbor called us at 4:30 am to tell us his tree fell.

Branches from the pine trees in our front yard.

My car made it! It sat in the driveway because there's no room in our garage.

Backyard fence down

Fence again

My kids playing with some of the neighbors

Pile of branches that's still sitting in the same position today.

The day after the Ike, a horrible thunderstorm came through. Our street was flooded.

More flood

Fence on the side of the house.

My daddy is 67!

2008-09-11T09:20:00.003-05:00

My daddy celebrated his 67th birthday yesterday. I just realized he's very close to 70. To me, 70 signifies old. So my dad is getting old. The good thing is that he's in great health. He's in better shape than I am for sure. His two favorite things to do are to play softball and sing. And he's pretty good at both! He was so happy yesterday because both of his grandchildren sang to him and held a pretty lengthy conversation with him. Usually, one of them won't be in the mood to talk on the phone. My dad is the epitome of laid back so he didn't want to do anything for his birthday. He went to Walmart to buy some things for the house and spent the rest of the day practicing a song he's leading this Sunday at his church. He spent last weekend in Cincinnati playing ball. All in all, life is good.

Here's another happy birthday to the old man! As you can see from the pictures, Danae holds a special place in his heart but then she is his first grandchild.