Monday, May 14, 2007


Sometimes, around this time of the year I start feeling sorry for myself. Sorry that my own mom isn't alive to celebrate. Sorry about all the things I wish we could have done together. Sorry about the missed experiences. This year I decided to focus on the four mothers God has allowed to shape my life.

  1. Around September 1976, a baby was conceived to an unmarried interracial couple. Apparently, they didn't want to or couldn't raise the baby. But, the blessing is that they allowed me to be born anyway. I will always love the biological parents that I have never known. Their blood runs in my veins. Their DNA has shaped me and my children. I don't know what happened to my mother; don't know if she's alive; don't know if she married or had more children. But, I hope she had a wonderful mother's day yesterday and I hope she feels in her own heart the love that I will always have for her.
  2. September 15, 1977 is the day I was legally adopted by my mama. I was allowed to spend 16 wonderful, character-shaping years with her. The feelings I have for her are unspeakable. She had her faults of course but she was absolutely perfect for me. I t0hank God that although she was infertile, she still decided to become a mommy.
  3. August 20, 2000 is the day I married my husband and got a mother-in-law. We have a wonderful relationship where we can say anything and everything to one another with no hard feelings. We respect each other's opinions and we're both completely in love with one very special man. She raised him perfectly for me.
  4. August 4, 2001 is the final installment. My dad remarried which means I got a stepmother. She has become a good friend to me, but most importantly she loves and takes care of my dad. Sometimes, I wonder how she does it. She is also filling a void in my children's lives. They have her as a wonderful and doting grandmother.

Sometimes, we like to linger on life's unfortunate moments and not appreciate the beauty in those around us.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Lotsa Hair!

When we were in Florida, someone said (in my hearing but not to me): "Danae has some serious nigga hair. When yall gone start perming it?"
I was a little annoyed to say the least. Danae is only 2 years old so no chemicals will be touching her hair ANY TIME SOON. But, I was also annoyed for another reason. Is something wrong with her hair texture? Yes, it's thicker than my hair and kinkier too. But, in my opinion, it's absolutely gorgeous. Her hair can do so many things: ponytails, afro puffs, cornrows, twist outs.
I want to raise my daughter to have a healthy self image. I want her to know that she is beautiful in her natural state, needing no changes or enhancements. I want her to know that her thick mop of curls are just as pretty as my curls and someone else's bone-straight hair. I don't want her to think that anything about her is a mistake or unmanageable.
Now, this is not my way of saying there is anything wrong with relaxing your hair. I just want to concentrate on her having healthy hair. And, when she's older she can decide for herself what to do with her hair. If she wants to stick with the natural, she can. If she wants to perm it, go for it.
In the meantime, please don't refer to my baby's hair as nigga hair. And, unless it's constructive criticism or helpful suggestions, keep the comments to yourself.