Thursday, September 03, 2009

Kid Stuff

Dwayne bought the game Punch Out for our Wii. One of the characters is named Piston Honda. Danae said his name sounds like when daddy says "Brayden just pissed on himself". Get it? Piston = Pissed on. It was one of those funny moments that you can't necessarily laugh about in front on them. Can't encourage that behavior.

Anyway, school is back in session and that holds true for school at our house. Brayden's handwriting is greatly improving. Danae is spelling new words every day and is finally getting the concept of phonics. She had the hardest time understanding how to sound out words. She would simply memorize how they looked and were spelled. Obviously, we still have hard words and lazy days but it's getting better. They're both doing well with addition too. I'm so proud of my kids. Can you tell?

Danica is doing what she's supposed to I guess. She sits up, rolls around, and babbles constantly. The older two love seeing her progress and get excited every time she utters a new sound. It's rather cute watching them with her, until they get too rough of course.

Okay, gotta go. They just finished their handwriting assignment. Just wanted to post something since I said I'm back now.

Monday, August 31, 2009

I'm back

I know it's been a very long time since I've written on this here blog. I've had a million things to write about but just haven't had the time or energy to collect my thoughts and post something. Now, my life is settled again so I'm back.

The summer has been great. We've traveled quite a bit. We've spent time with family and friends. We've done some other cool things in our fair city.

Now, school is back in session. Homeschool, that is. The kids are growing and enjoying life. I'm going to try to post something daily but we'll see how that goes.

Until later,

Monday, July 06, 2009

My take on MJ...

Since I was a child, I have always been fascinated by people's worship and admiration for Michael Jackson. Back in the 1980's, he used to rent out the Civic Center in Pensacola to practice and prepare for his upcoming tours. People would camp out nearby just to get a Michael Jackson sighting. Just to see his limo going by. Just for him to wave at them. All this, for a man who wouldn't even do a concert in Pensacola because we didn't have a large enough venue for him. Anywhere he went across the world, hordes of people would faint or become hysterical just because of his presence. Now, don't get me wrong. I had his pictures hanging on the walls in my room. I owned the red leather jacket with 5000 zippers everywhere. I had the white socks and penny loafers too. Shoot, I even had a MJ purse with his picture on the side. (I could probably make a pretty penny if I still had them.)

He was, and still is, a god to a lot of people. The true American idol. Even in the more recent years when he was but a caricature of his former self and hadn't put out new music, people still would sit in awe of him.

Yes, he was a talented man. Yes, he seemed to be a philanthropist. Yes, he had a troubled life. But, he was still a man. A man who was destined to crumble under the pressure that comes with knowing that millions of people expect greatness. A man who searched for perfection so much that he marred his previously beautiful face.

So, what's the point of this rant? Glad you asked. Seeing the world's fascination with his life and now his death and seeing the reports of the server crashing because of people trying to get tickets to his funeral makes me contemplative. What if we were as interested in seeing Jesus? What if we loved Him so much that we knew all of His word like we know MJ's songs? What if we took such an interest in His death and resurrection that we wanted to make sure everyone knew when it happened and what it means for us today? Writing this made me think about the hymn that says "Turn your eyes upon Jesus...so the things of this world will grow faintly dim." Satan uses any and every thing to turn us away from what should be our true focus. While we mourn the death of the greatest entertainer, while we learn lessons from his life, while we grieve for his family and kids, let even this bring us closer to Jesus and more ready for life eternal.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

I'm busy y'all...

I've been meaning to post something lately but just don't have the time. Let's see what I've been up to, if I can even remember. I have a horrible memory lately.

Our 12 year old niece is here for a large part of the summer. That is...interesting. And it confirms my decision to not have more children. I am not ready for my children to hit that adolescence stage. My kids and their cousin have been arguing, fussing, fighting like crazy. Then they have a few moments of kindness and get along. Talk about annoying. Still, we're glad she's here and hope she has a good time out here.

Jaelyn had a successful heart surgery. We are so extremely happy about that. We have been praying and asking so many other people to pray for her. God is good!

Our other niece was born on Monday. Can't wait to see little Denise.

I totally missed my friend Red's birthday. I reminded myself until the day of and then forgot to call her. Sorry girl! I still love you!

I'm basically a single mom during the week right now because Dwayne has a huge audit coming up at work. As soon as I can, I'm taking a me day and enjoying it to the fullest.

Danae is now taking ballet, tap, and gymnastics class. So cute! I'll have to upload pictures when I get a minute. Brayden is in gymnastics class and he absolutely loves it.

Oh, and I'm almost 32. Where has the time gone?

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Baby Body

I don't embarrass easily nor am I very self-conscious. But, I am really bothered by my body since Danica has been born...specifically, my stomach area. I know that I have birthed 3 babies. Because I didn't spread or gain weight anywhere else, my stomach was stretched to its limit. But, now, post baby it is NOT CUTE. I look like I'm still 5 months pregnant!

So, I have been working on it for a few weeks now. I know it hasn't been long at all but I am seeing no results yet. I'm still working though. I was hoping to comfortable enough for a bathing suit this summer but that may have to wait a year. Ugh!

I still can't wear quite a bit of my pre-pregnancy clothes. But I refuse to buy more. Why? Because I WILL get back into them. I have been fortunate most of my life to not really have to worry much about weight gain. So, this is bothering me big time.

I will track my progress and if I ever get a post-baby body where people don't say "you look good to have 3 kids" but instead just say "you look good" I will be so very happy.

With a daughter like mine, you have to have a very good self-esteem. She has asked me a few times if I'm pregnant with a baby brother. She's laughed at my stomach. I can't wait until she's in the same predicament in 20+ years because payback is a mutha.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Being Busy

I know I have been having big breaks in between posts lately. I just can't seem to find time to get to this thing, although I have so much to write about. Before Danica, I would wake up earlier than the children to have a little quiet time, have my morning devotion, write in this blog, and take care of things around the house. After Danica, I just tried to sleep as long as possible. However, that affected my efficiency around here, and my sanity, since I had no 'me' time. .

So, today I have gone back to the way things were. I woke up early, ate breakfast, studied my sabbath school lesson, and am now writing this post.

I had a nice weekend. Church was good, we had company for lunch, and then watched a movie (well Dwayne watched the movie while I slept on his shoulder). Yesterday, we went to a park for a child's birthday party and then came home and worked in our garden. We were supposed to go to a graduation party Saturday night but didn't make it back out of the house.

The garden is doing wonderfully well. We now have tomatoes, bell peppers, eggplant, carrots, collard greens, spinach, strawberries, thyme, basil, oregano, cilantro, scallions, and lavender growing out there. I may have left something out. It's rather nice not having to buy those things. The tomatoes, eggplants, and bell peppers are growing like crazy. Our neighbors have been helping us eat the tomatoes and peppers. Some of the neighborhood kids like to come to look at our garden. It's crazy because the garden itself is quite small but producing a lot. Can't tell you how the strawberries taste because every time one grows the squirrels come and eat it. We covered the plants with a mesh/net covering to keep them away. We'll see how that works out.

The kids are great. Danae is on a spelling kick and wants to know how every word imaginable is spelled. Makes for a lengthy conversation sometimes because if I use a word she finds interesting she will stop mid-conversation to ask how it's spelled. Brayden is writing now and doing very well. There are a couple of letters he can't quite get but I'm proud of him anyway. He's doing quite well for a 2 year old. Danica busies herself blowing bubbles and cooing and screaming at her annoying older siblings. Life is good.

Later.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

CBS is not smart!

That title is only because I can't say stupid...because it's a bad word.

Anyway, I was all ready to post something new and exciting and then I read that CBS has cancelled The Unit. That is my show! It's the only show in the whole week that I absolutely HAD to watch. I'm actually angry about this. I love Jonas Blaine and the rest of the unit.

Stomping off...

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Motherhood

Yesterday, I had something to do so the kids went to their old sitter's house for a few hours. We got home later than intended so I knew I would be rushing to prepare dinner, get them bathed, and settled for the night. Here's what really happened.

As soon as we entered the house, Brayden started running around saying "Mommy, I have to pee". So we rush into the bathroom and as soon as his pants are unbuttoned, he starts peeing on himself. I clean him up and decide they can play in the tub while I start preparing dinner. As soon as we get to the kitchen, Danica throws up all over me, herself, and the floor. So, I take her to our bathroom and bathe her. Before I can get her pj's buttoned up, Brayden starts screaming "I have to pee!" Because he just went all over the bathroom floor, I'm a little perplexed. I run to their bathroom anyway only to find out he didn't have to pee, he had to poop and had already dropped two bombs in the bathtub where his sister and a ton of toys are. So, I grab him and put his wet butt on the toilet (because he wasn't finished). Danae is already out of the tub and I'm cleaning the tub, putting all the toys in a bucket to be cleaned (more likely thrown out). Meanwhile, Danica is on my bed waiting to be completely dressed but being really patient and quiet. I clean the tub, bathe Danae first, then bathe Brayden. They're dressed and ready for bed. I take them to the kitchen and find leftovers in the fridge to feed them. They're happy. I get Danica dressed and in the swing. I still have to clean the bathroom and kitchen floors, wash pissy clothes, and whatever else that needs to be done.

Where is Dwayne? At a charity golf tournament enjoying himself.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Unnecessary Comment

If you know me, you know I am not easily offended. But this comment...it kinda got to me a little bit. Luckily, it happened over the phone.

Other Person: Your baby is so pretty.
Me: Thank you.
Other Person: She really is beautiful. The other two just weren't as pretty as she is.
Me: (Long silence) I can't believe you just said that.

I won't bore you with the details of the rest of the conversation. But, is it just me, or was the last part of that statement just really not necessary. I would've had absolutely no problem with just the first part but don't compare my kids and, in essence, put down my other two. Thank you if you think my baby is pretty. I do too. Now, let's just leave it at that.

Ugh...

My next post will be much happier and filled with pictures and commentary on my wonderful, although way too short, trip to Florida.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Pray for us

We're leaving today to go on a road trip to Tallahassee. We're going for our godson's baby dedication and to actually meet him for the first time. As a bonus, we get to meet our newest niece too.

Because we waited too long to buy airline tickets, we're driving...with our 3 kids. That's why I need you all to pray for us.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Friends - How many of us have them?

Do y'all remember that song?

I was talking to Brayden's friend last week about friends. I thought Brayden's friend was actually mine but it seem he has claimed her for himself.

Anyway, I've been told by someone else that I'm too liberal with that 'friend' title. I don't know if I'm too liberal or that I'm guilted into calling people my friend. (Is guilted even a word? Hopefully, you know what I mean by that.) Here's the thing. There are some folks who introduce me as their friend when in my mind we're simply associates or people with common interests such as church or kids of the same age. Or, our husbands are friends which means we have to hang out sometimes.

If I really think about it, I have a short friend list. I'm very cool with this, by the way. There aren't a whole lot of people that I willingly let in and share my thoughts with. If you're reading this because I sent the link to you, I probably think of you as a friend. You will notice some people you may know are conspicuously absent. And, there are a few, who refuse to comment but rather send an email in response to my posts. It's because they're crazy. Because they're my friends I can say that.

Yes, I realize I keep going off on mini tangents.

So, the point is that I have been blessed to meet some lovely ladies and upstanding gentleman who I truly care about and consider a blessing in my life. People that I would keep in touch with (even if only by email) even if we didn't go to the same church or have kids of the same age. Don't feel bad if I don't call you; I barely call my own daddy and I love him for sure. I would ride or die for my friends. I would eat beans and rice or pb&j sandwiches if my friends needed financial help. We prosper together; we struggle together.

Now, what about you? Do you have a lot of friends? Are you liberal with that title or do you reserve it for those you really care about?

Oh yeah, I don't have a BFF although I have a friend from home who refers to me as her BFF. Um, we ain't got nothing in common besides our childhood. We are like night and day right now. She's still my girl but BFF is taking it a little too far. Every time I type BFF, I feel like I'm a kid again.

Alright, I'm out now.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

I'm a bit scatterbrained in this post...

15 years ago, today, my mom died. I almost never remember on this actual day so I thought I would blog about it. Sometimes, it seems like it was last month. Sometimes, it seems like it was 30 years ago.

Dwayne's cousin had a baby girl on February 18th. That's the same day Danica was born. They were both born with a heart murmur and at almost the same time. And, our baby is Danica Aliyah. Her baby's first name is Aliyah. Isn't that cool? None of this was discussed before the births.

I just found out my husband had absolutely no plans to get a vasectomy. We had discussed it before and he said he was going to do it. Because he didn't seem to be in a rush, I went ahead and scheduled my procedure. The other day, during a conversation, he told me he was never going to get fixed anyway. Sucka!

I have some really good friends who don't live in Houston. I miss them!

Danica smiles a lot now. I love it! She gives the best smiles to Danae though. She's scared of Brayden. If he gets too close, she will cry or turn her head away. I don't blame her one bit. He's dangerous! He has already hit her twice trying to play with her.

Please continue to pray for my niece's health. The doctors confirmed that she has Down Syndrome. She also has two holes in her heart that will need to be surgically repaired when she's a little older.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Boredom

I'm so tired of being in this house now. First, I tried to limit my wanderings because of the newborn. Now, I have to stay in a couple of days because of my procedure. I'm bored though. I think I'll be going to church this weekend. YAY!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Getting Fixed!

So, today I'm recovering from getting fixed...also known as a tubal ligation. It's not so bad except I've created children who love to run up and hug me and well, that's not the best thing when your tummy is hurting.

Right before the anesthesiologist did his magic, my doctor asked if I was absolutely sure I wanted this. Of course I was and still am. It's so freeing for me to know that I never have to worry about getting pregnant again or using any contraceptive. Go us!

Brayden saw my hairline incision and asked if the doctor stabbed me. I have no idea how he knows what stabbing is but I told him no. Brayden then said he's going to spank the doctor for hurting me. Aw, my baby boy wants to defend his mommy. How sweet!

***

In other news, please pray for my niece, Jaelyn. She's sick and in Shands Hospital in Gainesville. Also pray for her mom and dad. This is their first child and they've been thrown a serious curve ball. But, "all things work together for good to them that love God". We were never promised that only good things work together but all things. We just have to trust God even when we can't trace him.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I'm an Auntie!

I was all set to post something witty and informational. You know I'm just kidding.

But, now I just want you to know that I'm an auntie again. My brother-in-law and his wife just gave birth to a beautiful 6 lb 1 oz little girl named Jaelyn Antoinette. Aww! I can't wait to meet her.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Do You Hear That?

It's called silence, and it is indeed golden. Dwayne, his father, and our oldest two children are gone so the kids can pick strawberries at the strawberry patch. Danica is sleeping peacefully in my bed. The only thing I hear is the sound of the washing machine. This is so very nice.

One of my favorite pair of sandals broke yesterday. As soon as I stepped into the garage, the strap popped. Looks like I need to go look for a replacement pair.

I've realized facebook has made me more of a recluse. I already rarely call people. It's gotten worse since I know I can look at people's status or message and get a general idea of how they're doing.

I'm reading two really good books. One is called "Home Sweet Home School" and the other is "His Robe is Mine". They both have messages I really need to hear right now.

That's all I have for now. Talk to you guys later.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Birthdays

Today would have been my mother's 61st birthday...if she were still alive. Unfortunately, I know quite a few people who lost a parent early in life. Most of them feel sad on that parent's birthday or other holidays like Mother's Day or Father's Day. I don't.

There have been many times that I wished my mother were still alive. Some days have been harder than others. I really wish she could've met my husband and children. I wish she could've been there for my prom, graduation, debutante ball.

But today, instead of grieving over something that I have no control over, I spent the day at the zoo. I celebrated the 2nd birthday of a beautiful little boy named Boston. My children spent time with their friends learning about animals. The weather was perfect. And so was seeing the smiles on my children's faces.

There's really no point lamenting over what could have been when you can enjoy what's right in front of you.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

What Do You Think?

I have a friend who is married with children. They were trying to think of vacation ideas for spring break. She wanted to go somewhere tropical or at least a beach spot in the states. He said they couldn't afford it right now. Would be understandable except...

  1. He went to the inauguration by himself and was gone for several days.
  2. He went on a trip in February with the boys once again leaving his family behind.
So, he could afford to take two solo trips but can't afford to go on a vacation with his family. She even suggested that they just go for a weekend but he said they don't need to be spending money on frivolous things right now. They're now going to visit family for spring break.

I was annoyed for her because if we're broke then nobody should be going on trips. But, maybe that's just me.

What do you think?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Just Stuff

So, Danica was crying and I couldn't get to her right away. By the time I did (maybe 5-10 minutes) she was very upset with me. Danae and Brayden tried to calm her but it didn't work. So, I picked her up and started singing "Jesus Loves Me" to her. It's something I have done with all of my children because it tends to calm them and keeps me calm as well. Brayden came to me and said "Stop Mommy." When I asked why, he said "that's my song so you can't sing that to her. You need to choose a different song."

I'm supposed to get serious about getting my body in shape. So, why did I just polish off half a box of Thin Mints. Girl scout cookies are the devil! I'm so glad they're not available all year long. I'm not going to mention the other junk I've eaten in the last couple of days. I really need to get on the ball, especially since my Trini friend and I say we're going to train for a 5k.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I Made It!

Yesterday was my first day flying solo with all three children. It wasn't so bad. We still had school time although we adjusted the schedule a bit. By the time Dwayne came home though, I was very tired and so happy I didn't have to cook dinner. I have awesome friends!

All of the children are doing very well. The older two are a bit overwhelming with showering their sister with their love. But, at least they're not trying to hurt her or anything. We just have to make them give her a break sometimes. Danica is doing well at night. She wakes up to eat and goes back to sleep. I moved the rocking chair in my room so I can nurse her and put her back in her own bed. When I bring her to my bed, I end up falling asleep and she just stays in there with us. Even though I did the same thing with the other two, this time I want as much uninterrupted sleep as possible. With a newborn in the bed, the sleep just isn't as good.

Every time I have a child, I'm so amazed by the love I have for them. It's my only experience with love at first sight. And, it's so different than what Dwayne and I share. Please note I said different not better.

The only thing that can make my life better now is for her to sleep through the night. That would be great!

Okay, that's all I got for now. We're still not venturing out much although we will hit up the library tomorrow so maybe that will provide good material for this old blog.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

I just stopped by to say

I'm so ready for my aunt to go home. I know someone will think it's crazy of me but I am so serious. She leaves on Monday and I am literally doing a countdown. Maybe next week I'll be singing another tune.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Crazy Conversations

Since I like to post crazy conversations with my kids, I thought I should let you know where they get it from. The apple really doesn't fall far from the tree. Both of these happened while I was in labor with Danica.

First Example:
I was in pain but hadn't dilated enough to do anything. I was moaning and complaining.
Dwayne: You should try to think of other things to help take your mind off the pain.
Me: Like what? This hurts.
Dwayne: Think about cleaning the house or laundry or something.
Me: Fool, I'm in pain. Do you really think I want to start thinking about household chores?
Dwayne: That's the first thing that came to mind.
Me: (All I could do was roll my eyes)
Dwayne: Okay, think about Boracay beach in the Philippines. Remember the powdery sand. Blah, blah, blah.
Me: That's better but you're still stupid.

Second Example:
At this time, my contractions were less than a minute apart. I had to stay on my right side because the baby's heart rate kept decelerating during each contraction. I was in so much pain and uncomfortable. Tears started rolling down my face.
Dwayne: You didn't cry with the other two. Are you getting softer as you age?
Me: Why don't you get in this bed and have some contractions so you'll know how I feel.
Dwayne: All I know is you didn't cry before.
Me: Are you calling me a punk. I ain't no punk.
Dwayne: (laughs uncontrollably while the nurse tells us we're her favorite couple in labor and delivery).

Monday, February 23, 2009

Love at First Sight

I am absolutely in love with this little girl.



Danica was born with a heart murmur but we found out today it's no longer there. We are so happy with this little perfect being and can't wait to get to know her more.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Nothing to talk about

I haven't blogged this week because I just don't have much to talk about. I have an appointment with my doctor today to see if I have progressed at all. Dwayne thinks the baby is coming tomorrow because Danae and Brayden were both born on Friday mornings. I guess we'll see.

Brayden told me the other day that I am the best teacher ever. Yes, I know he has nothing to compare me to but it was still nice to hear. I love watching my children learn and learning more about them. They are so alike yet so very different. They also learn very differently. For instance, Brayden is picking up on phonics so very easily. He is trying to sound out words when he sees them. Danae, on the other hand, hasn't picked up on phonics as easily. She has a superb memory though. So, she recognizes sight words easily but can't necessarily use phonics to distinguish between two words like cat and bat. This frustrated me at first but I've learned that I just have to adjust the way I teach her.

The bad thing is that my energy level is getting really low so we haven't been doing as much fun stuff as I would like. They don't seem to mind but I do.

I'm also thinking really hard about homeschooling Danae for kindergarten. Honestly, the main reason I want her to go to school is for the Kindergarten graduation. Yes, I know that's silly but the kids look so cute with their little caps and gowns. I've found that I have several friends who homeschool and they all speak so positively about it and their results. We'll see. I still have a year to decide. I ordered a catalog for a homeschooling curriculum that I'm going to use with my children and we'll just see how the next year goes.

I said I had nothing to talk about but I guess I did.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Question for the SDA Folks

So, during my morning worship today, I was reading my Sabbath school lesson. It's about the prophetic gift for those who may now know. Anyway, it made me wonder something. Our church recognizes Ellen G White as a "modern-day" prophet. I put that in parenthesis simply because she's been dead for so long that it's hard for me to think of her as modern. Let me get back to the point. A lot of Adventists, particularly the younger folks, don't give as much credence to her writings as the older people. I wonder if it's because people don't read her books as much and are simply going by what they're heard. Or, is it that people don't think her writings are relevant?

I have read several of her books:
"The Great Controversy"
"The Acts of the Apostles"
"Patriarchs and Prophets"
"Last Day Events"
"Counsels on Stewardship"
"The Desire of Ages"
"The Story of Redemption"

and parts of the following books:
"Christ's Object Lessons"
"The Adventist Home"
"Child Guidance"

I am sure I've left a couple of books out of these lists. This is just what I could remember while typing this post.

And here are my thoughts on the matter:
The first time I worshipped in an Adventist church, I kept wondering "who is this Ellen White person and why do they keep quoting her". I immediately sort of dismissed her based solely on what I had heard. But then, I read "The Great Controversy" which is probably the longest book I've ever read in my life. The things I read in that book honestly made me want to do research to disprove what I had read. Instead, my research (which included no writings by Adventists) led to my subsequent conversion and baptism into the Seventh Day Adventist church. I believe that her books must be read in order to be fully appreciated. Often times, we hear the same quotes over and over and get tired of them. Or, we hear some of the quotes that may have been more applicable for the time period of her own life and discredit everything she may have written. In my opinion, her books have really good information in them, including good advice for dealing with your own children, as well as reminders of how to live a more holy life in such an unholy world.

So, the whole point of this post is to get your opinions. What do you all think, honestly, about Mrs White? Have you read any of her books in its entirety? If not, why not?

Friday, February 06, 2009

1-2 cm

...is how far I've dilated. Not much, but it is a start. My doc doesn't think I'll make it to my next appointment which is in a week. I don't know about that. During my two previous pregnancies, I was dilated 1-2 cm for 2 weeks before the baby came. I'm not in a hurry anymore though because I believe she'll get here when she's supposed to. I can endure backaches and leg pains for a little longer if it's best for her.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Pregnancy

One of the best things about being pregnant in the winter is that I don't feel pressured to shave my legs. I know that probably sounds crazy but it's kind of difficult to get to all the hairs down there. So, I can just wear pants and no one knows the difference. I love it!

The other good thing is that I'm not miserably hot like when I was pregnant with Brayden. My body temperature seriously escalates during pregnancy. It's so bad that I sometimes have to change clothes in the middle of the night because my nighties are soaked through with sweat. Just imagine how I was during the Houston summer. Because of this, I'm convinced that I'll have horrible hot flashes during menopause.

My baby is due in 12 days. I go to the doctor tomorrow and fully expect him to tell me I have dilated.

***

On another note, why did my friend just tell me that one of our high school classmates just died from a heart attack. I'm really tired of hearing about so many deaths. This is weird.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Here we go again

I just found out that Gloria Musgray died last night. She was a member of the church we attended in Tallahassee. She fought a long battle with cancer but unfortunately succumbed to the disease. I pray that her family and friends find comfort during this time of grief.

I'm Feeling Sick

I spent the bulk of the day yesterday comforting my daughter since she was the lucky recipient of her brother's germs. Guess who has a very sore throat today? Yep, that would be me. I knew I shouldn't have allowed her to lay on me so much yesterday.

Guess who is still a huge bundle of energy even though he's infecting everyone else? Yep, that would be Brayden.

I am having the hardest time explaining the concept of death to Danae. I would've left it alone by now but she keeps asking me questions and I don't want her to bring it up with Georgia's family again. She already asked her daughter why her mom wasn't at church last Sabbath.

Monday, February 02, 2009

15 Days To Go... Really about facebook friends

Every post will probably have my countdown in it. I can't believe that in 15 days (or less) I will have my new baby girl in my arms. I'm so excited! Now off to the real post.

The good and bad thing about Facebook is that you can reconnect with past friends and associates. Let me tell you about a couple of them.

In middle school, I met one of my cousins. We attended the same school and were both in the drama club. One day, we had a competition and my mom thought this girl looked like her family. Then, she asked her name and found out her last name was the same as my grandfather's (mom's dad). Well, he was definitely a rolling stone and it turned out that the schoolmate (J) was my cousin. Her grandfather and my mom were siblings, or half-siblings. So, for a minute, J and I thought that was cool. Except she was a little crazy. She had a serious hangup when it came to complexion and hair texture. She was (and still is) a gorgeous girl with flawless chocolate skin. If anything, I should have been jealous of her. But, she had been told all her life that light is better and she took it out on me. What she didn't know then was that I also had a hangup and absolutely hated my complexion because I felt I looked too white. Ah, middle schoolers and their craziness! After middle school, her family ended up moving out of the city and we lost contact. No love was lost because really we only talked because of the family connection and otherwise wouldn't have even been friends. Last week, we became facebook 'friends' and I realized she is just as crazy as before. We really didn't have to reconnect. She has a gorgeous little girl who looks just like her except she's about my complexion with silky, wavy hair. J said 'you see I got me a little mixed girl like you.' Ugh!

Moving on...

I reconnected with another friend. We met in elementary school. We went to an all-black school. There was 1 white girl in the entire school and two biracials. Me and N. She was half-black, half-Korean. In elementary school, we were tight. She was cool and there were no problems. Then, we went to middle school and she became a white girl. Totally threw me off! She shunned everything that had to do with black folks, including her dad. Well, none of her white friends knew she had a black daddy at home so of course they couldn't go home with her. She had folks thinking she was white and Korean, although I don't know how she explained her hair because it was long and kinky. She went through great pains to identify herself as a white girl and it pissed me off. We had been friends for maybe 5 years including the entire summer before middle school. She lived in a black neighborhood and played with black kids every afternoon. But, at school, she was white. We went to different high schools but this continued. We reconnected on facebook. She is now married to a white guy with two very cute little boys. I did see pictures of her black father on her page so I'm hoping she's finally comfortable in her own skin. I have no problems with her having mostly white friends but I do have a huge problem with her denying a part of herself.

Of course, I have reconnected with others who seem to be doing well, even better than before. That's really nice to see. Time and distance made us lose contact and it's nice to be able to drop a line or two sometimes.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Random

Is it just me or did this week just fly by.

I went to the doctor yesterday and found out I haven't dilated at all. I really thought I had by now.

I can't wait to see my baby girl. I'm finally getting excited now. I just might actually start getting stuff for her, like pampers and such. She is supposed to be here really soon.

My mom died almost 15 years ago. That is such a long time. Sometimes, I can't remember specific things about her and I hate it. Danae is so confused about why granny (my stepmom) isn't my mom. She has seen pictures of my deceased mom but really still doesn't get it.

I'm so glad this Sabbath is my last one for teaching the cradle roll class for a while. I like to move and get on the floor with the kids and that's becoming increasingly harder. Danae is no longer in cradle roll but she says her class is not as much fun.

Brayden is really the sweetest boy ever. He is so generous with the hugs and kisses. We just might have to keep him around.

Everyone in my family has so many frequent flyer miles. Now, we have to figure out where we want to go. Dwayne wants to use them for a real vacation, not just to go visit the family. We already have two trips lined up this year. We're going to Tallahassee to finally meet our godson. We're also supposed to go to Orlando for his family reunion, although we have received no details about anything.

I really need to be doing stuff instead of sitting here typing on this computer so this is the end.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Danae's Birthday Recap


So, our efforts of downplaying Danae's birthday really went out the window. This just means that we'll have to really go all out for poor Brayden. When I asked her what she wanted to do for her birthday, she said she wanted a manicure/pedicure and to get her hair done. Crazy, I know. Anyway, this is what she did.

Her godmother took her to get a mani/pedi last Monday. I wish I could upload the picture from my phone but this is a picture of her actual hands and feet. They won't look very different because she only has clear polish on her hands and cotton candy on her feet (but it looks clear).

(her little fat toes are so cute to me)



On Wednesday (her actual birthday), we went to the Rainforest Cafe for dinner. It was the best night because it happened to also be their kids night. So, they had a clown and people dressed up like animals and she thought it was all for her.


(Brayden helped her eat her birthday dessert)

(Why is Dwayne cheesing so hard?)

On Friday, she went to the salon to get her hair styled by Miss Brandye. When we first walked in, she was a little scared. But, she was very pleased with the end result even though she played in it so much that it didn't stay cute for very long.

(Um, she wasn't too happy about this part)

(But here, she clearly thought she was cute)

On Saturday we invited people over for lunch at our house. This was also her request. She was so excited that so many people came over.



She got some nice gifts although I'm very close to hiding that minivan (thanks Keisha) because I'm so tired of hearing her play the little radio. Her dad bought her some roller blades and she's not too bad with them either. Of course, she received other gifts as well. She told me she had a very good birthday and really that's all that matters.

I still can't believe my baby girl is 4.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

And another thing...

Brittany, Georgia's daughter, told me something on Sunday that made me fight back the tears. Georgia had a stroke on Danae's 4th birthday. While she was lying on the floor, unable to move, she said "Brittany, I forgot to call Nae Nae to tell her happy birthday!" She was always thinking of other people, even at her darkest moment.

I told Danae that Auntie Sis Melville said "Happy Birthday" and she was happy to hear that. Now, I just have to find a way to explain this death to a VERY inquisitive child. Feel free to give me ideas. Just keep in mind that she asks so many questions that I had to explain what a stroke is because she wouldn't accept just hearing that Georgia was sick and in the hospital.

Follow up on Georgia

For those of you who don't already know, Georgia Melville died over the weekend. We are all very shaken up by this but we know that God knows best.

The point of this post is just that we need to remember how important it is to appreciate each other every day and every time we see one another. Sometimes we may have to inconvenience ourselves but we must let each other know that we really care because you never know when it will be too late.

In December, our church's school had their Christmas play. After the play, I asked Georgia if her daughter's school was going to have a play. She said yes and told me when it was. I told her I would be there. On the day of her daughter's play, I was really tired and Dwayne was out of town on a business trip. I still went to the play because I promised I would. Georgia was so happy I actually showed up and told a few others about it. It made me glad I went even though I honestly thought about missing it.

Earlier this month, I received the following email from Georgia.

Hi bff (lol)
How are you doing? I looked at you on Sabbath and I can see that God is truly good to you and Dwayne. Take care and as usual I am praying the baby will be born on my birthday Feb 9th. You have two lovable and trained children and I pray that you and Dwayne continue to train them up in the way of the Lord. I won't be at church this sabbath so give them both a hug for me okay. I just sent up a prayer for you and the family. Take care and happy new year.


In peace
Georgia

That just reminded me of something. The last Sabbath Georgia was at church, she made an announcement about something for the federation stuff. Somehow, my name came up in her announcement and she said "my BFF Bridgette Gibson". After church, I told her I didn't know we were taking our BFF status public. I thought it was just reserved for our private emails like the one above.

I can't begin to count how many times this woman told me she had prayed for us. When we dealt with our fertility issues, she prayed every day. And, this is not something she did specifically for our family. She prayed for everyone and was genuinely concerned about everyone. Because of the above email, we ended up having a very heartfelt conversation where I told her I really appreciated her, I loved her, and how she was one of my favorite people. I'm so glad we had that conversation because now would be too late.

I had also asked her opinion about something I want to start at our church. This was a part of her response: "I am very busy but to take time out for my daughter and other girls her age means more to me than anything else so COUNT ME IN. By the way, while Jesus was carrying the cross the naysayers were there and he still went to Golgotha (what a mighty God we serve)."

I talked to Georgia a lot about raising children. Her kids are amazing and I like to get advice from those who have been down the path I'm on. She would do anything for her kids. She gave me a lot of practical advice that I will treasure for the rest of my life.

Georgia was one of the few people who was woven into almost aspect of our church family. She will be greatly missed.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Randomly speaking

25 more days to go! At least that's how long I have until my due date. Of course, I'm hoping Danica comes a little sooner but whatever's best.

Danae is going to a salon for the first time today to get her hair done. I can't wait to see how she acts because she is so scary of everything. I also can't wait to see how she looks.

Brayden still doesn't understand that he can't lunge on my stomach. I have learned all kind of defense maneuvers that won't hurt him in the process.

My dad forgot Danae's birthday. He thought it was Feb 21st. He said I'm having too many children and he can't keep up. I made him feel bad for it though.

I have to change clothes in the middle of the night every night because I have been sweating profusely. That ain't cute.

I'm not ready to have my sleep disrupted by a newborn. Hopefully, she'll be like Danae and start sleeping through the night at 2 months.

I can not wait to find out what my brother-in-law and his wife are having. He really wants a boy and I hope he gets his wish. My other brother-in-law and his wife are having a girl in April.

Although I think newborn babies are really cute, I don't care for them a whole lot. I like babies when they are about 6 months or older. I rarely ask to hold someone's newborn. Someone recently told me that was weird. My favorite age is about 2 because then they're independent but still baby-like.

We have been trying to break Danae's finger sucking habit but with little success. Since she got her manicure on Monday, she sucks them way less because she doesn't want to mess up her fingernails. A little vain, are we?

Yes, my daughter got a manicure and pedicure too. That was part of her birthday present from Auntie Nese (Jenise).

Dwayne and I will have some alone time on Sunday. We plan to go on a date but we'll see. We tend to get a little lazy with no kids around.

Pray for me as this pregnancy comes to a close. I need a healthy delivery and baby and more energy. I am seriously losing steam.

Have a wonderful weekend!

One of those annoying emails.

I have gotten this in email form from a few folks. So, I decided to answer it on my blog so anyone can read it if they choose. And, I don't have to forward it to other folks who aren't interested either. Anyway, here goes.

1.What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Lay a wood floor. Visit Hong Kong. Ride a horse on a volcano. Many things, actually.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I always know people who are giving birth because everyone and their mama keeps having kids. My friends LATANYA/TERA, Ruth, Keisha, Brenda, and Shirley gave birth this year. I think that's it.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My cousin and I still haven't dealt with my grief. I just try to push it into the corners of my mind.

5. What countries did you visit?
I visited the Philippines and Hong Kong.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
More patience with my children and a healthy baby girl.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The day I found out my cousin died because it was the first time I ever felt the wind knocked out of me. The day Obama won the election because I just really didn't think it would happen.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I can't think of anything in particular.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I can't think of anything in particular.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I thought I was ill from food poisoning but it turned out I was just pregnant.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I can't think of anything in particular.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband because he gets better and better each year.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My cousin's widow...I was only appalled not depressed.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Likely to stuff for the kids and that car in the garage.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Obama winning the presidency

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
I don't know.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
- i. happier or sadder? happier
- ii. thinner or fatter? pregnant-er
- iii. richer or poorer? About the same I guess

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Go on dates with my husband without the kids

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Crying...see #4

20. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yep, with Dwayne and Jesus.

21. How many one-night stands?
No one night stands but apparently one night was a little more life-changing than the others because it resulted in another pregnancy.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
I don't know but I did get back into ER.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't hate anyone.

24. What was the best book you read?
I can't remember if I read this in 2008 but The Kite Runner was really good.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
That I really don't have to listen to music very much because I treasure silence.

26. What did you want and get?
I wanted health and happiness and love and got it all.

27. What did you want and not get?
More silence and solitude but, uh, I have little people around all the time.

28. What were your favorite films of this year?
The only movie I actually stayed awake through was The Dark Knight. I'm not much of a movie watcher, I fall asleep.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 31 and spent it eating lunch with my family and friends.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Finding out I inherited a huge sum of money.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Seeing how I ended the year with a very limited amount of clothing I can actually fit I'm going to refrain from answering this question.

32. What kept you sane?
God

33. What public figure did you fancy the most?
Barack Obama.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
I'm not easily stirred but probably the war.

35. Whom did you miss?
My cousin, like crazy. Even though he was in Kuwait at the time of his death, we kept in regular touch mostly through emails. I miss his crazy self but can't bring myself to delete his name from my contacts list.

36. Who was the best new person(s) you met?
Did I meet anyone new this year? I can't remember which means they weren't too intriguing. Except for the babies, of course.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
God's will is always superior to our own, even when we don't like it.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Prayer Request

For those of you who do not believe in the power of God, please excuse yourself from this post. I'll be back with something new tomorrow. I don't mean to offend but I have a request for those who believe in God.

A member of my church, named Georgia, had a stroke last night and emergency surgery to save her life. I'm asking you to pray for her health and for comfort and peace for her family. She is married with two children. Georgia is a young woman, in her 40's (I think). I don't have any updates on her current status but will update this post if I find out anything.

Thank you.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Danae



Today, my daughter became a four year old. I can't believe it! It feels like I was just welcoming her into this world and we're now celebrating her fourth year of life. I feel so blessed to have been chosen to be her mother. I'm humbled by the task that God gave us and parents everywhere. The very fact that he entrusts her care to us is mind blowing.

Danae is such a special little girl. She's warm and nurturing, she's friendly yet cautious, she loves to take care of other people, and has an amazing memory. My wish for her is that she grows up to love God and her fellow man, that she is always humble and respectful of others, that she never forgets who she is, and that she is ready to spend eternity with her Creator. Anything else that she accomplishes will just be icing on the cake.

I have a different (though not better) connection with Danae than I will have with my other children. It's simply because she was my firstborn. She has taught me just as much as I've taught her (if not more). We have grown together and will continue to do so.

I can't wait to see what's in store for my firstborn child.

Happy Birthday Danae! Mommy loves you!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Our New President

President Obama is so inspirational. I love to hear him speak.

This isn't the first time I've watched an inauguration ceremony. I love formal ceremonies in general and have watched the inaugurations since I was a child. But, this one just felt different. I can't explain how it made me feel. I made my children sit and watch the swearing in. They enjoyed hearing "Hail to the Chief" and Brayden marched around the room while it was played.

If I didn't happen to be 8 months pregnant, my family would've been among the masses in D.C. Apparently, it wasn't meant to be and we watched on the television while Dwayne and I texted each other. He watched at work.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Preserving a Legacy

I don't know about you, but in my family, we've dealt with a lot of death and sickness. I've noticed, though, that once the person dies they are elevated into a sort of sainthood. They become people who have only done good in their lives. Their dirty little secrets and past mistakes are erased.

My mother died almost 15 years ago now. One day, we were having a casual conversation about my childhood versus my children's childhood. I mentioned some things that I do that I got directly from my parents and other things from my husband's parents. Then, we also mentioned how we realize our parents did some things wrong and we choose to not repeat them. My dad felt insulted. He kept saying that my mom was the best mom, blah, blah, blah. I tried to explain to him that I agree with that statement because I do feel she did the best she knew how. But, she was nowhere near perfect. She did some bad stuff too. He feels that once a person dies, we should focus only on the good and not mention the bad. And because Dwayne and my children never met her, I should only tell them the positive. I called foul on that play. She was human, as are we. She made mistakes, as do we. She is not some mythological figure who was perfect and all-knowing. She was a woman who did what she could to make it day to day. I love and respect the woman she was, but I am also wise enough to know what I should imitate and what I should cast aside.

My cousin who died last year is another example. There has been so much drama since his death between his ex-wife and his widow. Of course, he was at the center of it all. So, one day during a conversation, the people there were trying to act like the women are just crazy and saying God took him out of this world because they were making his life hell and he was too good for that. Again, I called foul because he created the situation he was in. He confided in me a lot so I know more of the background. But, it's so unfair for them to immediately think he was the perfect part. In my opinion, when there are two crazy people linked to someone, that someone is the common denominator and is probably just as crazy or they're somehow turned on by the crazy. Plus, most women don't just go nuts unprovoked. But, he also did a lot of dirt in his short life. Although he was one of the sweetest people ever, he wasn't perfect and I don't think it's fair to cast him in that light. It's also not fair to his children. His 7 year old son is already feeling the pressure to live up to his dad's reputation.

So, my whole point is that all of us are flawed. And, I have nothing against preserving a person's legacy and passing that down to the future generations. My issue is when that person begins to achieve god-like status and is no longer relatable.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

This Facebook Thing

So, my friend has been trying to get me on My Space or Facebook for a few years now. I just didn't feel like being bothered. Dwayne's cousins had been trying to get him on for a while too. He gave in to the peer pressure and then I gave in to the spousal pressure.

I almost deleted my account for a few reasons. One, I don't want to befriend anyone I don't know and never knew. Then, I started getting friend requests from people who grew up with Dwayne but I don't know them at all. I thought this things was going to be really annoying.

But then, I got a friend request from someone I met probably 15-20 years ago. She's from Pensacola and is friends with my older cousin. I ignored it for a couple of days but then decided to accept her. I'm so glad I did. She lives just up the street in Austin. She homeschools her children (ages 6 and 11) and was able to pass along some great information to help me with my little ones. And, even though y'all didn't know this, I've been contemplating homeschooling my kids for a while even when they reach kindergarten age. The jury's still out on this one though. She and I talked for a few hours. She was open and honest and very candid about the pros and cons. So, just for this reconnect, I'm now glad I got on facebook.

Oh yeah, and I have reconnected with some other cool folks from my past that I neither see nor talk to often enough. But these fools who don't know me need to kick rocks. And these fools who only know Dwayne need to send a friend request to his page and not mine. And, why does Facebook keep recommending me to become friends with Dwayne's ex-girlfriend? I told him I was gonna send it to her just to see what happens. But, really, I'm not.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

We're not so different after all...

My dad came to visit us for Christmas. While he was here, he was saying how much Danae reminds him of me when I was a little girl. I wasn't surprised because she definitely has my attitude and a lot of my personality. But, I was surprised when he told me his reason. She's such a girlie girl. I was shocked because I'm not girlie at all. Then, he pulled out some pictures from when I was little. For some reason, this man always has random pictures with him but they're not in a photo album or anything. Anyway, in most of them I had on a dress and was playing with my dolls or my toy kitchen or something like that. I told him that was impossible because I always thought of myself as more of a tomboy.

So, what had happened was, I really was much more interested in feminine things. But, my mom kinda nipped that. She wasn't so girlie and couldn't relate and chose to ignore that part of me. When I was little, I used to get my hair done every other Saturday. I thought it was because my mom didn't want to have to deal with my hair. Turns out, I requested to start getting my hair done professionally at the ripe old age of 5 years. Guess what Danae requested to do for her 4th birthday? Yep, we're not so different after all.

The lesson here for me is to pay attention to my kids interests and not let my own interfere with that. Unless of course, they become interested in things that will be detrimental to themselves or others. But, we have to celebrate their uniqueness and find ways to help them explore those things that bring them pleasure.

Baby Making (Or Not)

So, as I've said before, I'm getting my tubes tied this year. I have had so many people tell me they don't agree with this. I've been told that I should let God decide how many children we have or ask him to close my womb. I should wait and see if I want more children in the future. It's too permanent. What if something happens to my children and I decide I want more later.

I honestly didn't expect to run in to so much opposition. First of all, it's my body and my decision. Secondly, I am absolutely sure that I don't want more children. And lastly, it really is my decision.

The funny thing is that my friend who has 5 children has received a lot of criticism for the size of her family and was told repeatedly that she should've gotten her tubes tied. Now, there are other circumstances in that particular family that would warrant such remarks. But my point is that people are never satisfied. If we continued to have children, I'm sure someone would say it was too much. Now that we've decided to control our family size, apparently we shouldn't do that either.

Some people just have too much to say about other people's lives. At one time, I wanted 4 children. I have no idea how I decided on that number. After Brayden, I thought 2 was a great number. But then, number 3 rolled around and we're happy about having this little one. I think if I had begun procreating at a younger age, I might have gone beyond 3 children. But, I didn't and so I'm not. After Brayden was born, we did indeed pray and ask God to shut my womb and prevent any other pregnancies. Obviously, our will was not aligned with his.

By the way, unlike a lot of people, I do wish I started having children earlier. Actually, we tried to begin when I was 25 but our fertility issues caused a little delay. So, I had Danae at 27, Brayden at 29, and now Danica will be born while I'm 31. One of our goals was to have all of our children before reaching the big 3-0.

Anyway, my point was that we are really happy with the decision to stop producing children. We have thought long and hard about it. Neither of us have wavered from this decision. So, why can't other people just accept it and keep their comments to themselves.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

My Nightmare

Last night, I had a horrible dream. Danae was kidnapped. The worse part is that I actually saw it happen but was powerless to help her. She was taken by some folks who looked homeless or something because they were dirty and disheveled. The people told me I would never be able to find her and I believed them.

My dreams are extremely vivid. Most of the time, when I wake up, I have to figure out if they were real or not. The only reason I immediately knew this was a dream was only because I was in my bed and everything happened outside. I still had to go and make sure my baby was in her bed though.

If anything ever happened to my kids, I feel certain that I would probably lose my mind. I can take a lot of things but that would just be too much to bear. I can't even watch some movies or shows now that involve people hurting kids because I imagine how it would feel for it to happen to us.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Growing Up

Danae went to her first Adventurers meeting yesterday. It really amazes me that my little baby is old enough to be an Adventurer. It seems like she was just born the other day. Anyway, she really enjoyed being there. I look forward to seeing her in her uniform and going camping and all the other fun stuff. It was so cute when they were learning how to get in prayer attention and the other little drills.

Brayden was so sad that he couldn't go with her but I just reminded him that he can go when he's old enough. He had to stay home with daddy. When we got back, he asked her a million questions about what she did at the meeting.

My aunt called me yesterday to let me know that she purchased her ticket to come and help me when the baby comes. I'm so very happy! She came when Danae was a newborn and was such a big help. She also came out when I went back to work after Brayden was born. I thought she might not make it this year because she's getting older and she said she wasn't sure. But, she'll be here on February 15th. YAY! Now, I just have to try to keep Miss Danica inside until she gets here.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Tired


This is my 26th month of being pregnant during my lifetime and I'm tired. I'm trying not to complain but I'm really tired.

That's all.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Dangerous Times

I was watching Law and Order: SVU last night and the show was about a man who was drugging and then raping women. He apparently was charming enough to engage them in a conversation and the next thing you know the deed was done and they didn't even remember it.

Sometimes, shows like this make me so grateful. In my youth, I did a lot of stupid things. I drank heavily, went clubbing far too often, and just took unnecessary risks with my life. Stupid things! I can remember living in McGuinn dorm at FAMU and coming home extremely drunk. First of all, I drove myself home which was a danger to me and everyone else on the roads at that time. Then, they decided to have a middle of the night fire drill. My roommate had to drag me out onto the steps because I literally couldn't walk. Another night, I ended up spending the night at a f striend's house because I was so drunk that I passed out in her car. And, she said she wasn't about to drag my butt up the steps to my dorm room. I could barely recall what happened the night before. Thankfully, God saw something much better in me and protected me.

I sometimes think about the 'what ifs'. What if I had an accident while drunk? What if I killed someone? What if I went home with some strange guy? What if I had been raped or assaulted? What if? What if? What if?

I thank God that nothing bad ever happened (unless I truly don't remember). I thank God that I'm alive today and have learned the lessons from my past. I thank God that I can pass these lessons on to my own children with the hopes of them avoiding my mistakes.

Because of my mother's sickness and subsequent death, a lot of my teenage years were spent with me figuring things out for myself. I really could've used some guidance there. This doesn't mean I would've have done the same stupid things but I lived a pretty sheltered life and had no warnings for the dangers that come with freedom from parental supervision. I wasn't prepared to make wise decisions. But, I honestly wouldn't trade my experiences for anything because they have made me who I am today.

I have not drank a drop of liquor in probably 12 years or more. Trust me, I did enough before it was even legal to do so.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Fun Times with the Kiddos

I'm sure you remember Chris Rock's stand up routine where he says your number one goal when raising a daughter is to keep her off the pole. That, he says, is the sure sign that you have failed as a father. So, imagine my laughter (and Dwayne's disgust) when Danae tells us at least once a week that she likes swinging on poles. Granted, she's talking about our bed posts but it seriously makes me laugh every single time because it freaks Dwayne out so much.

The same thing happens when she talks about her imaginary friend named Mark. I can't imagine how he will be when she hits the teen years.

***

Yesterday, I had a longer-than-necessary conversation with Brayden about why he's not a man. I told him that he's such a big boy because he is finally acting like he's actually potty trained.
His response: "I'm not a big boy. I'm a man."
Me: "Uh, no, son, you're a big boy. Daddy's a man."
Him: "No, mommy, I'm a man, a big man. You wanna see my muscles."
This conversation went on way longer. The conclusion: I say he's a boy, he believes he's a man.

***

I rarely spank my children. I try to use other forms of discipline first. But, yesterday morning, my girl decided to try my patience and it ended with her getting a spanking. I fixed them oatmeal for breakfast which made her mad because it wasn't what she wanted. Whatever. So, she's sitting at the breakfast table refusing to eat. I told her she didn't have to eat but she wouldn't get anything else until lunch time, including no mid-morning snack.
Danae: "But I don't want oatmeal. You didn't ask me what I wanted first."
Me: "Breakfast for today is oatmeal. You need to either eat it or get down from the table and wash your hands."
Danae: "I'm hungry but I don't want to eat this." She pushes her bowl to the middle of the table.
Me: "You better not knock that bowl down."
Danae: "You make me angry all the time."
I ignored her mainly because she's always talking about being angry or frustrated. She then sat there sulking and started crying.
Me: "What's wrong with you?"
Danae: "Mind your business. I wasn't talking to you."

SSSCCCRRREEEEEEECCCHHH.........

It took every bit of self control to not knock her butt out of the chair. I couldn't believe she had the nerve to go there. So, I had to get little miss down, have a long talk with her, and give her a spanking. I had to make sure she understands that disrespect will not be tolerated around here. She returned to the table and ate her oatmeal. Her brother, who had finished his breakfast by now, kept asking "Danae, did mommy give you a spanking?" She just say quietly. The nerve...

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Inspiration Boards to Sewing to Fitness

Believe it or not, when I was in high school, I took a few Fashion Marketing classes. It was mainly because I like to see the layouts in magazines, stores, on billboards, etc. I like how designers market their wares. A part of this class included having display windows and coming up with ad layouts. To this day, I still love looking at the ads in fashion magazines and store display windows. Some of the best I've ever seen (outside of NY which is great) were in Manila. The people there are serious about their malls and the windows alone would make you all giddy. And that's saying a lot for someone like me who doesn't really like to shop.

Today, I read something talking about creating inspiration boards, like they use on the HGTV shows. This is something I'm going to start doing, although maybe in a notebook or something instead. I'm a visual person and I have to see things (or draw them) in order to fully appreciate them. I think my friend Red's husband used to do this too. But, I may be mistaken.

Anyway, my husband bought me a sewing machine a couple of years ago as a christmas gift and that things has not been used much at all. So, one of my goals for this year is to get into sewing... for real. I'm going to start by covering my throw pillows because I don't really like them anymore. Next, I'll make something for Danica so she doesn't feel totally like the little stepchild of the family when she sees pictures of herself in all of Danae's old clothing. Then, I'll move on to clothes for myself and my post baby fabulous body.

Which brings me to another point: another goal is to get my body into great shape. I've already scheduled my tubal ligation so we are definitely ending our childbearing stage of life. This means my belly won't be getting stretched out of shape again so now I'll start working on it. Before, I refused to really work on getting it flat only for it to get big again.

Okay, this post really got random and it was totally unintentional. I was only going to write about inspiration boards but obviously got out of hand.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Back to Life

For the past two weeks, Dwayne has been on vacation. That means our home life has been drastically different. We've been playing and relaxing and just enjoying one another. Well, today, we have to get back to our normal way of doing things.

I have to start my kid's "school" again. They have to get back on their normal sleep schedule because they've been staying up way too late most nights. At least, we'll be okay for about 6 weeks. And then, the real disrupting force will be here.

I think we decided on a name, Danica Aliyah. They mean "morning star" and "noble, sublime". You know I love for names to have a good meaning. We're all eagerly anticipating the arrival of our baby but no one is more excited than Danae. She prays for her every night and talks to her several times throughout the day. Brayden likes to kiss my tummy and talk to her too. I hope this love continues when they're faced with the reality of a crying, pooping, spitting up little baby.

Anyway, I gotta go and get ready for the day.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

The First Day





On this first day of a brand new year, I was able to spend time with the people I love most, my family. My husband fixed omelets for our late breakfast, the kids and I decorated a gingerbread house, we went shopping, and just hung out with each other. It was perfect!

Last night, we sat outside in the cold while igniting fireworks in front of our house. Danae ran away scared and Brayden shivered more than necessary. But, as soon as we came back inside, they both exclaimed that they had fun.

I don't make resolutions because I'm sure I would break them. But, I do hope that I become a better person this year, that I learn new things, travel to new place, and experience all that God has for me. I look forward to meeting my daughter and watching my children grow and learn. Hopefully, I'll become a better wife, mother, friend, daughter, and woman.