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Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Well, this is breast cancer awareness month and I'm posting this blog to encourage everyone to please check yourselves out. Yes, I said everyone because from what I've read, men (although it's rare) can also get breast cancer.

In June of 1990 (I can't believe it's been that long), my mother was diagnosed with breast and ovarian cancer. Four short but painful years later, she died because of cancer. I will never forget that June. My aunt and I traveled to Houston, TX (of all places) to visit my cousin. I found later that this trip was arranged so I would be away while my mother had a biopsy done to find out if her tumor was malignant. Anyway, when we returned my mother sat me down to let me know she had cancer. I felt like the world ended right then. Unfortunately, I was no stranger to cancer. My grandparents and aunt died from it, another aunt had a mastectomy because of it, and another cousin was undergoing treatment at that time. To me, she just told me she was going to die. I felt like God was letting me down. How do you allow someone's mother to die before she's finished growing up? How will I adjust to life without her? My mother and I were like best friends. She was the one person I couldn't lie to because I didn't want her to be even more disappointed and she had the uncanny ability to find out the truth anyway.

On April 7, 1994 my mother died as a result of cancer. That was one of the most horrible days of my life. An older man from my church actually told me about her death over the phone while I was home alone. Mom was in the hospital, I had just gotten home from school and dad hadn't come home from work yet so we could make our daily trek to West Florida Hospital. This man called on the phone and said "you know your mama's dead". I was like "What?". He said again "your mama's dead". I just hung up the phone and sat in a total state of shock. My aunt and cousin came over and I had the unpleasant task of filling them in on the news. I was 16 years old at the time. I found out that this same old man went to my dad's job and told him about her death. This is an example that old age doesn't always equal wisdom. Why would you call a child and tell her about her mom's death over the phone while she's alone? Thank God I wasn't mentally unstable because who knows what could have happened! At first, I felt guilty because no family was with my mom when she died but later found out that 3 of her best girlfriends were with her at that time and she just closed her eyes and died. The previous night, before my dad and I left, she made a bigger than normal deal about saying goodbyes and we all told each other how much we loved the other and I can say that I did get the chance to say goodbye.

So I went to proms, graduated from high school, went to college, loved and lost, faced adversities, and much more without my mom being there. I can only trust that God was then and still is in control of EVERYTHING.

Didn't mean to post all of this but maybe I needed to. When my daughter was born 20 months ago, I was very sad about my mom not being there. I mean everyone's mom goes to the delivery room with then and comes to help them. My mom is asleep in Holy Cross Cemetary in Pensacola, FL. It's been 12 years now and I miss her terribly every day. It's easier but not necessarily better.

Get yourselves checked. Early detection can allow you to spend more time with your loves one and spare them some of the agony I felt...

Comments

Anonymous said…
That was a very touching entry. You just never know what others have gone through or are going through. Although you went through all of that God allowed you to experience the love of a mother. I think there is nothing greater.
Anonymous said…
Thank you for sharing. You never told me this story before. You are making me cry, but a little crying helps. God knows what is best and that is all you can say.
Anonymous said…
Thanks for sharing. You remind us to be grateful for the family in our lives.
Anonymous said…
This story was so touching. I went and checked my breast in ths shower after I read your blog. It is amazing how God allows us to use our life experiences to help us grow. I am sure that you will be a wonderful mother just as your mom was.
Anonymous said…
You;ve got me mad at that man for calling you like that! I can only imagine the feeling of horror, dismay, anger etc. Losing my husbands mom was overwhelmingly awful and everyone looked at me as if to say calmly..."what's the matter?" I couldn't understand why I was the only one who was freaking out. Although it was not cancer, it was a disease that I guess everyone else new would finally take her. I didn't!! and I wish someone would have told me- you know...like atleast give me warning, but instead they all were braced for it. When they said she was slipping I started hyperventilating and I was 9 months pregnant with my son. They had to put an oxygen bag on my face and I was so disoriented. I can't imagine losing my own mother with this type of reaction to someone who was not my biological mother....maybe I should start blogging- I think I'm writting too much for this comment

love you
ren
Your Girl said…
Wow, B. I've never heard this story before. There is a plan in order for you and the children that you are a wonderful mother to. I'm terrible and never check my breasts, but I will now in honor of your mother.
xoxo
Anonymous said…
Wow, I have never heard this story before. So I'm sitting in class half-way listening to a lecture on Alzheimer's and now I'm dabbing my eyes, so I'm sure the other people in class who are paying no attention like me now think I'm crazy. Anyway thanks for sharing, i'm sure that was hard. So many people need to make sure they check, and while we're on the topic my other soapbox is men and prostate cancer. Unfortunately men think getting the PSA blood test is enough. Spread the word it is not enough. THE ONLY WAY TO APPROPRIATELY SCREEN FOR PROSTATE CANCER IS THE DIGITAL RECTAL EXAM (DRE). I know men don't like it but i know too many men who have died of prostate cancer while having a normal PSA blood level.
Anonymous said…
B. You never talked about your Mom now I know why, you're cooler than I thought...C

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