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When memory fades

Last week, or maybe the week before, Danae and I watched a movie. I have no idea of the name of the movie and don't really feel like looking it up right now. It starred Susan Sarandon and Julia Roberts. Susan was dying of cancer. Julia was living with Susan's ex-husband. Susan and the ex had two children. Susan had to deal with allowing another woman into her children's lives and resigning herself to knowing that she was dying and another woman would continue to raise her children. I cried like a big old baby. Danae gave me a hug and a kiss and told me it was okay. She will be 3 years old in 18 days and she's already a nurturer.

After that, I thought of my own mom who succumbed to cancer when I was 16. I wonder if she had some of the same thoughts as the lady in the movie. I wonder how she dealt with it all.

And then, it hit me. I couldn't remember her laugh. That hurt so bad. She died on April 7, 1994 and I can't remember her laugh. I have an idea but I can't hear it. I hate the fact that my memory of her is fading. There are some things that I'll never forget but I honestly can't remember her laugh. That truly sucks.

This morning, while at breakfast, I put my hand up to my mouth and I smelled her. I don't know where the smell came from but it was so very comforting. I needed that today. I sat there at breakfast with my hands to my mouth for a very long time trying to breathe in every single drop of the scent. I really needed that.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I can't imagine losing a mother but you have become such a figher and driven woman. So know that your mom did just what she was suppose to and the end result was a wonderful mother, friend, and wife! The time with your mom was God given and those memories will never abandon you. Love ya, Tanya
2:10 PM
Anonymous said…
I think the movie you are talking about is Stepmom. I saw it too and of course I cried. Being a mother has really made me realize how important moms are or mother figures. You are blessed to have had a good one and to be a good one.

Remember, God does not make mistakes and the devil cannot do anything without God's permission. You mother is a sleep right now, but not forgotten. Make sure her memories live on in you and your children. Live your life so you may see her again at Christ's return.

Red
9:55 AM
Anonymous said…
I cannot imagine how different life would be without a mom. She was obviously a great mother and provided a great example to you. Remember God knows your pain and can comfort you when no one else can. Your (movie/breakfast) experience brings tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing yourself.

Ayana
1:52 PM
CreoleInDC said…
God sends you what you need when you need it.
11:47 PM
Cyn said…
I agree with Creole. God is always right on time. Very sweet post!
9:50 AM
1969 said…
I agree....God sent you exactly what you needed on that morning.

Thanks for sharing your story.
10:01 AM
Anonymous said…
I am just reading your blog but i am literally in tears. My mom has only been gone for 2 1/2 yrs and i think of her alot. At this time, I can still hear her laught and call my name - Hey D. I used to love to hear that. But I do miss her so.

I still cannot imagine fully what you are going through but know that Yah is always with you.

Stay strong and be blessed.
Deidra
3:32 PM
Anonymous said…
It is so awesome how God shows up when you need him to.

Charissa
12:31 PM
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