When memory fades

Last week, or maybe the week before, Danae and I watched a movie. I have no idea of the name of the movie and don't really feel like looking it up right now. It starred Susan Sarandon and Julia Roberts. Susan was dying of cancer. Julia was living with Susan's ex-husband. Susan and the ex had two children. Susan had to deal with allowing another woman into her children's lives and resigning herself to knowing that she was dying and another woman would continue to raise her children. I cried like a big old baby. Danae gave me a hug and a kiss and told me it was okay. She will be 3 years old in 18 days and she's already a nurturer.

After that, I thought of my own mom who succumbed to cancer when I was 16. I wonder if she had some of the same thoughts as the lady in the movie. I wonder how she dealt with it all.

And then, it hit me. I couldn't remember her laugh. That hurt so bad. She died on April 7, 1994 and I can't remember her laugh. I have an idea but I can't hear it. I hate the fact that my memory of her is fading. There are some things that I'll never forget but I honestly can't remember her laugh. That truly sucks.

This morning, while at breakfast, I put my hand up to my mouth and I smelled her. I don't know where the smell came from but it was so very comforting. I needed that today. I sat there at breakfast with my hands to my mouth for a very long time trying to breathe in every single drop of the scent. I really needed that.