The Poor Man's Blues

I grew up poor. I used to be ashamed but I grew up to realize that it is what it is. My parents barely made it from check to check. I wore hand-me-down clothes. My aunt (a thrift store/flea market addict) would bring home clothes from, well, whatever thrift store she could find. They were often ugly. I remember this particular coat that was a fake fur. It was gray. It was ugly...so ugly in fact that I would often go to school freezing cold to avoid wearing that darn jacket. Or, I would go very early so I could hide it in my locker before my friends got there. I knew enough to always be grateful for those ugly things and to never complain. My parents had an ugly orange station wagon that I also hated. It was so raggedy that there was a hole in the floor in the backseat. You could see the road as we drove. Only one of my friends ever rode in that car. We had to live with my aunt for an extended period of time because my parents couldn't afford the rent on the house where we lived. I remember being sent into the bank to deposit $1 or some other small amount to avoid my parents being hit with NSF fees. I was sent because my mom was too embarrassed to make the deposit herself. She couldn't afford to deposit any more money and that $1 was usually in change found around the house or whatever. My parents were stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. They made too much to qualify for any assistance but too little to live. Most of this happened while I was in elementary and middle school. They dug themselves out of this hole somehow. I don't know the specifics but I do know that life turned around for us. We were never very well off but my mom was able to buy a new minivan (my dad still has this 19 year old van). They bought a house and the thrift store clothes were a thing of the past. I know this experience shaped me into the woman I am today. I am the total opposite of materialistic. I could care less about designer clothing and purses. I can't make myself spend much money on stuff. I always think about those who could use the money to eat, pay rent, keep the lights on. I thought I was very familiar with the poor man's blues.

Lemme tell you, I didn't know a thing. Poor here is on a whole 'nother level. It's sad and utterly heartbreaking. We have never gone for a ride in the car without people, usually small children or very old people, knocking on the windows begging for money. There are street children everywhere. These babies are homeless and hungry, usually naked or close to it. A very large percentage of Filipinos live in squatter houses, which is little more than a tin roof covering 4 walls. Sometimes it's only tarp to protect them from the elements. Most people don't have electricity or running water. When we rode the ferry during our vacation, there were people begging. As we boarded the boat, small canoes came close with women and their naked babies begging for money. It's sad, y'all. It's enough to make you weep. The unemployment rate here is between 40 and 50%. Can you imagine the state of a country where almost half of its inhabitants can't find a job?

It's overwhelming for me. I want to help them all but can't. I want to wrap all the little babies up and bring them home with me, if only to give them a hot bath and a good meal. But then what about tomorrow? And the next day? I want to take the elderly and provide them with comfort in their final days. But how exactly can that be done with so many?

I thought I was poor but I now realize how well off we were. I never went hungry or naked. I may not have had the best but I was provided for. My childhood was happy and fun. I never had the empty, sad eyes of the Filipino street children. My parents never wore the permanent cloud of shame on their faces. I thank God for this opportunity to see the world, even the dark and ugly aspects. These experiences will also shape my future and that of my children. Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in our own desires and not relish in the reality of having our needs met. I praise God for all of His wonderful blessings he has provided for my family. I extol His greatness because his word assures us that the righteous will not be forsaken and his seed will not beg for bread. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!