Fun Times with the Kiddos

I'm sure you remember Chris Rock's stand up routine where he says your number one goal when raising a daughter is to keep her off the pole. That, he says, is the sure sign that you have failed as a father. So, imagine my laughter (and Dwayne's disgust) when Danae tells us at least once a week that she likes swinging on poles. Granted, she's talking about our bed posts but it seriously makes me laugh every single time because it freaks Dwayne out so much.

The same thing happens when she talks about her imaginary friend named Mark. I can't imagine how he will be when she hits the teen years.

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Yesterday, I had a longer-than-necessary conversation with Brayden about why he's not a man. I told him that he's such a big boy because he is finally acting like he's actually potty trained.
His response: "I'm not a big boy. I'm a man."
Me: "Uh, no, son, you're a big boy. Daddy's a man."
Him: "No, mommy, I'm a man, a big man. You wanna see my muscles."
This conversation went on way longer. The conclusion: I say he's a boy, he believes he's a man.

***

I rarely spank my children. I try to use other forms of discipline first. But, yesterday morning, my girl decided to try my patience and it ended with her getting a spanking. I fixed them oatmeal for breakfast which made her mad because it wasn't what she wanted. Whatever. So, she's sitting at the breakfast table refusing to eat. I told her she didn't have to eat but she wouldn't get anything else until lunch time, including no mid-morning snack.
Danae: "But I don't want oatmeal. You didn't ask me what I wanted first."
Me: "Breakfast for today is oatmeal. You need to either eat it or get down from the table and wash your hands."
Danae: "I'm hungry but I don't want to eat this." She pushes her bowl to the middle of the table.
Me: "You better not knock that bowl down."
Danae: "You make me angry all the time."
I ignored her mainly because she's always talking about being angry or frustrated. She then sat there sulking and started crying.
Me: "What's wrong with you?"
Danae: "Mind your business. I wasn't talking to you."

SSSCCCRRREEEEEEECCCHHH.........

It took every bit of self control to not knock her butt out of the chair. I couldn't believe she had the nerve to go there. So, I had to get little miss down, have a long talk with her, and give her a spanking. I had to make sure she understands that disrespect will not be tolerated around here. She returned to the table and ate her oatmeal. Her brother, who had finished his breakfast by now, kept asking "Danae, did mommy give you a spanking?" She just say quietly. The nerve...