Skip to main content

Preserving a Legacy

I don't know about you, but in my family, we've dealt with a lot of death and sickness. I've noticed, though, that once the person dies they are elevated into a sort of sainthood. They become people who have only done good in their lives. Their dirty little secrets and past mistakes are erased.

My mother died almost 15 years ago now. One day, we were having a casual conversation about my childhood versus my children's childhood. I mentioned some things that I do that I got directly from my parents and other things from my husband's parents. Then, we also mentioned how we realize our parents did some things wrong and we choose to not repeat them. My dad felt insulted. He kept saying that my mom was the best mom, blah, blah, blah. I tried to explain to him that I agree with that statement because I do feel she did the best she knew how. But, she was nowhere near perfect. She did some bad stuff too. He feels that once a person dies, we should focus only on the good and not mention the bad. And because Dwayne and my children never met her, I should only tell them the positive. I called foul on that play. She was human, as are we. She made mistakes, as do we. She is not some mythological figure who was perfect and all-knowing. She was a woman who did what she could to make it day to day. I love and respect the woman she was, but I am also wise enough to know what I should imitate and what I should cast aside.

My cousin who died last year is another example. There has been so much drama since his death between his ex-wife and his widow. Of course, he was at the center of it all. So, one day during a conversation, the people there were trying to act like the women are just crazy and saying God took him out of this world because they were making his life hell and he was too good for that. Again, I called foul because he created the situation he was in. He confided in me a lot so I know more of the background. But, it's so unfair for them to immediately think he was the perfect part. In my opinion, when there are two crazy people linked to someone, that someone is the common denominator and is probably just as crazy or they're somehow turned on by the crazy. Plus, most women don't just go nuts unprovoked. But, he also did a lot of dirt in his short life. Although he was one of the sweetest people ever, he wasn't perfect and I don't think it's fair to cast him in that light. It's also not fair to his children. His 7 year old son is already feeling the pressure to live up to his dad's reputation.

So, my whole point is that all of us are flawed. And, I have nothing against preserving a person's legacy and passing that down to the future generations. My issue is when that person begins to achieve god-like status and is no longer relatable.

Comments

TERA said…
Yep!
Anonymous said…
I agree with you.

Red

Popular posts from this blog

Motherhood

Yesterday, I had something to do so the kids went to their old sitter's house for a few hours. We got home later than intended so I knew I would be rushing to prepare dinner, get them bathed, and settled for the night. Here's what really happened. As soon as we entered the house, Brayden started running around saying "Mommy, I have to pee". So we rush into the bathroom and as soon as his pants are unbuttoned, he starts peeing on himself. I clean him up and decide they can play in the tub while I start preparing dinner. As soon as we get to the kitchen, Danica throws up all over me, herself, and the floor. So, I take her to our bathroom and bathe her. Before I can get her pj's buttoned up, Brayden starts screaming "I have to pee!" Because he just went all over the bathroom floor, I'm a little perplexed. I run to their bathroom anyway only to find out he didn't have to pee, he had to poop and had already dropped two bombs in the bathtub where his s

Baby Making (Or Not)

So, as I've said before, I'm getting my tubes tied this year. I have had so many people tell me they don't agree with this. I've been told that I should let God decide how many children we have or ask him to close my womb. I should wait and see if I want more children in the future. It's too permanent. What if something happens to my children and I decide I want more later. I honestly didn't expect to run in to so much opposition. First of all, it's my body and my decision. Secondly, I am absolutely sure that I don't want more children. And lastly, it really is my decision. The funny thing is that my friend who has 5 children has received a lot of criticism for the size of her family and was told repeatedly that she should've gotten her tubes tied. Now, there are other circumstances in that particular family that would warrant such remarks. But my point is that people are never satisfied. If we continued to have children, I'm sure someone would s

Christmas in September?

Apparently, living in Manila is going to provide plenty of material for me to write about. Here goes: We have been provided several books to help us adapt to life in the Philippines. Something we read was very beneficial for us yesterday. We went to SM which is a department store, furniture store, grocery store, and several restaurants all in one. Danae had to use the bathroom and guess what? There was no toilet tissue. No, they didn't run out. They don't put tissue in the bathrooms at all. No empty tissue holder or anything. Because I read about that, I had a little tissue stowed in my bag to use. In the grocery store, the most overwhelming shock was the stench. The entire back of the store is basically a butcher shop. Surprisingly, there were no flies or anything. But, the smell was gross. Danae held her nose while we looked around in there. I wasn't bold enough to purchase any meat yet. One day, maybe. Or, we'll just become vegetarians while we're here. In the cl