I don't know about you, but in my family, we've dealt with a lot of death and sickness. I've noticed, though, that once the person dies they are elevated into a sort of sainthood. They become people who have only done good in their lives. Their dirty little secrets and past mistakes are erased.
My mother died almost 15 years ago now. One day, we were having a casual conversation about my childhood versus my children's childhood. I mentioned some things that I do that I got directly from my parents and other things from my husband's parents. Then, we also mentioned how we realize our parents did some things wrong and we choose to not repeat them. My dad felt insulted. He kept saying that my mom was the best mom, blah, blah, blah. I tried to explain to him that I agree with that statement because I do feel she did the best she knew how. But, she was nowhere near perfect. She did some bad stuff too. He feels that once a person dies, we should focus only on the good and not mention the bad. And because Dwayne and my children never met her, I should only tell them the positive. I called foul on that play. She was human, as are we. She made mistakes, as do we. She is not some mythological figure who was perfect and all-knowing. She was a woman who did what she could to make it day to day. I love and respect the woman she was, but I am also wise enough to know what I should imitate and what I should cast aside.
My cousin who died last year is another example. There has been so much drama since his death between his ex-wife and his widow. Of course, he was at the center of it all. So, one day during a conversation, the people there were trying to act like the women are just crazy and saying God took him out of this world because they were making his life hell and he was too good for that. Again, I called foul because he created the situation he was in. He confided in me a lot so I know more of the background. But, it's so unfair for them to immediately think he was the perfect part. In my opinion, when there are two crazy people linked to someone, that someone is the common denominator and is probably just as crazy or they're somehow turned on by the crazy. Plus, most women don't just go nuts unprovoked. But, he also did a lot of dirt in his short life. Although he was one of the sweetest people ever, he wasn't perfect and I don't think it's fair to cast him in that light. It's also not fair to his children. His 7 year old son is already feeling the pressure to live up to his dad's reputation.
So, my whole point is that all of us are flawed. And, I have nothing against preserving a person's legacy and passing that down to the future generations. My issue is when that person begins to achieve god-like status and is no longer relatable.
My mother died almost 15 years ago now. One day, we were having a casual conversation about my childhood versus my children's childhood. I mentioned some things that I do that I got directly from my parents and other things from my husband's parents. Then, we also mentioned how we realize our parents did some things wrong and we choose to not repeat them. My dad felt insulted. He kept saying that my mom was the best mom, blah, blah, blah. I tried to explain to him that I agree with that statement because I do feel she did the best she knew how. But, she was nowhere near perfect. She did some bad stuff too. He feels that once a person dies, we should focus only on the good and not mention the bad. And because Dwayne and my children never met her, I should only tell them the positive. I called foul on that play. She was human, as are we. She made mistakes, as do we. She is not some mythological figure who was perfect and all-knowing. She was a woman who did what she could to make it day to day. I love and respect the woman she was, but I am also wise enough to know what I should imitate and what I should cast aside.
My cousin who died last year is another example. There has been so much drama since his death between his ex-wife and his widow. Of course, he was at the center of it all. So, one day during a conversation, the people there were trying to act like the women are just crazy and saying God took him out of this world because they were making his life hell and he was too good for that. Again, I called foul because he created the situation he was in. He confided in me a lot so I know more of the background. But, it's so unfair for them to immediately think he was the perfect part. In my opinion, when there are two crazy people linked to someone, that someone is the common denominator and is probably just as crazy or they're somehow turned on by the crazy. Plus, most women don't just go nuts unprovoked. But, he also did a lot of dirt in his short life. Although he was one of the sweetest people ever, he wasn't perfect and I don't think it's fair to cast him in that light. It's also not fair to his children. His 7 year old son is already feeling the pressure to live up to his dad's reputation.
So, my whole point is that all of us are flawed. And, I have nothing against preserving a person's legacy and passing that down to the future generations. My issue is when that person begins to achieve god-like status and is no longer relatable.
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